see shit holding be bac and slowin me up, but despite these challenges i aint give up, i continue going up tough against this earth, fighting everyday since my birth, i dont no if im gonna make it, but if the oppurtunity arises im gonna take it, i wont hesitate or stall cuz as soon as i do i may falter and fall, so i keep going and fighting, espressing my thoughts in feelings when im writing, cant stop me now, aint noone know how...

god put me on this world with a curse
tomorrow u make awake and find me in the back of herse
but on the other hand im a soldier and going strong
maybe ill succeed, fullfilling my need as i go along

more verses comin maybe

I know that I am just a newbie so make what you want of my comments.
You got some sweet words but because of the set up it is real hard to feel your flow. Set it out in bars, like you did the last piece, to make it easy to get the beat. Also some of the bars are just real drastic changes in pace and lenght.

I would like to see some more verses for sure. Chuck em up bro, lets see more.

nice flow at the end.. not that bad of a hook... keep up the shit

it flowed pretty good and the rhymes were aight keep postin' though

this was ok and u need to work on ya shizz,

you should have set it up like this, its helps people see the flow

see shit holding be bac and slowin me up,
but despite these challenges i aint give up,
i continue going up tough against this earth,
fighting everyday since my birth,
i dont no if im gonna make it,
but if the oppurtunity arises im gonna take it,
i wont hesitate or stall cuz as soon as i do i may falter and fall,
so i keep going and fighting, espressing my thoughts in feelings when im writing, cant stop me now, aint noone know how...

god put me on this world with a curse
tomorrow u make awake and find me in the back of herse
but on the other hand im a soldier and going strong
maybe ill succeed, fullfilling my need as i go along

its ok but its two damn short that wouldnt even be a complete verse on a song,