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Untitled...
IP:
i wrote this in the mind of another, exploring certain avenues of life i hope some people can relate...drop some thoughts yall!!!
like the tears from my GOD, hurt by blasphemy, lonely....I grasp 4 my being not worth reflecting/ deafening cries, WHO AM I....who hears the slave, who screams injustice just as he’s hung before a crowd/ a silhouette of failure, pain, such peraphernalia, like a crescendo, with this and the sun, I wake/ to embrace certain fate, the curtains draw back, I pause, intake the images rendered at center stage/ with a cigarette, winter froze my heart so my hand, shakes the heavens, question the quest of love, I cant/ complete, fuck the world inscribed upon my grave, to let the people know the importance of my life/ or rather, one without it, like a page without words, like, words without a meaning, like meaning without/ ambition, wasted flesh, nothing more than brown skin, does the leaf have to wish it were more like the sea/ does the wind have to pray to find clouds to move along, or is that why we feel natures fury come and go/ imprefection or part of the plan at my conception, as man, damned or blessed.... Last edited by Prolyfic : 06-10-03 at 01:07 AM. |
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Guest
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IP:
wheres tha love yall, uppin...
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Light Weight
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IP:
I really liked this. I dunno, just the way you wrote it, the words you used, and the things you said kept me reading more. You wrote this in someone else's point of view..like imagining how they see it?
"like the tears from my GOD, hurt by blasphemy, lonely....I grasp 4 my being not worth reflecting/ deafening cries, WHO AM I....who hears the slave, who screams injustice just as he’s hung before a crowd/" Those first 2 lines was a damn good way to start it. I liked the way they rhymed and what you wrote in those 2 kept me reading. I don't know why but I liked the 3rd and 4th lines too. "to let the people know the importance of my life/ or rather, one without it, like a page without words, like, words without a meaning, like meaning without/ ambition, wasted flesh, nothing more than brown skin, does the leaf have to wish it were more like the sea/ does the wind have to pray to find clouds to move along, or is that why we feel natures fury come and go/ imprefection or part of the plan at my conception, as man, damned or blessed...." Those lines were good too. Good description in them. I liked what you said. I didn't understand it all though. You said you wrote this in the mind of another? Who is that? Anyways, good post. I'm glad I read it. |
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Guest
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IP:
I like the way you used your wordplay and your emotions..............
I pause, intake the images rendered at center stage/ with a cigarette, winter froze my heart so my hand, shakes the heavens, question the quest of love, I cant/ complete, fuck the world inscribed upon my grave, I like that part...........I could see exactly what you were saying and then I had to read the whole thing over again. Really nice work on this...............keep droppin' |
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