i used this in a battle and ive been told its wank so how can i elavate on my shit

i tried to read ya mind but the page was blank//
like def jam u in a vendetta//
dinai im gonna deny u victory//
the rhymes i spit are lines i rip//
spit venom in every direction soak sum up//
fucked ya bitch cos she sez ya cant get it up//
like vanilla ice u shud give this game up//
i can cut ya feet off which makes it easier to d-feet u//
i deflect the best like bullets off my vest//
and lets be honest u cant beat me im simply the best//

needs much work
10ne

structure is a huge problem. make sure ur lines are in sets and of equal length. read it to yourself so u know it makes sense.

the fact that u ganked Xzibits line from 8 mile doesnt help, (spit veonom soak sum up)

u gotta also make sure it ryhmes man

peace it all together and make sure it flows as u read it

^^U Need 2 Lengthen Ur Lines And Make Sure They Make Sense And Flow Good...Punches Need 2 Be Harder...

I Could Go On But I Think U Shud Read Xpoz'D's 101 Battling Guide...Has It All There...It Helps Alot...

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[size=0.5]My Wins Always Bring Fire[/size]</center>