RapVerse.com Community
 Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End RV Radio  

Go Back   RapVerse.com Community > Fresh From The Lab > Textual Releases
User Name
Password
FAQ Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 06-21-03, 07:50 PM   #1
THE-EGG-MAN
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
My First Try

IP:

(THE-EGG-MAN)

THIS IS MY FIRST TIME HERE IN THE WORLD OF RAP
DISS MY SHIT TURN AROUND, GET CLAPPED
IM SITTING HERE LISTERNING TO SHIT
IF IT DONT GET BETTER SOON I'LL BURST INTO A FIT
I WISH THESE BITCHES WOULD JUST LEARN TO QUIT
I'LL PUT THEM OUT WITH A HIT LIKE A CANDLE THATS LIT

(NINE MILLIMETER)

THAT WAS THE EGG MAN'S FIRST SHOT, DONT KNOCK IT, OR HAVE YA FORGOT
WE ALL START SOMEWHERE, NOT ALL YOU'LL ARE HOT
YOUR SOME FUCKED UP BITCHES, LIKE YA HIGH ON POT
DONT GET TO ATTACHED, LIKE A BLOOD CLOTT
GET TO CLOSE, PROMISS YOU'LL GET SHOT
I'LL LEAVE A HORSE HEAD, LIE'IN IN YOUR KIDS COTT

(THE-EGG-MAN)

THATS SOME REAL SICK SHIT MAN
LIKE THE BOMBS THEY DROPPED ON SAD-AM
THE FUCK DIDNT TRY IN THE WAR
HE MAKED IT ALL SEEM A REAL BORE
THE FAGGOT WASNT MAD, JUST BAD TO THE CORE
LIKE A RAPIST WITH A KNIFE UP ON A WHORE
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-21-03, 10:18 PM   #2
Reno Starr
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
IP:

Not to bad, ya need to up ya vocab some more but overall it was a good thing.

Peep My newest drop, Dear God.
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-22-03, 05:35 AM   #3
I.Q.O.
BANNED For Being A Dipshit
 
I.Q.O.'s Avatar
 
Posts: 37
From: HELL
IP:

ya get 14 IQ points.
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-22-03, 06:55 AM   #4
RythmicTendicies
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
IP:

not bad as R.x said, improve your vocab, (don't put it all in caps!), you has a o.k line here: "I'LL PUT THEM OUT WITH A HIT LIKE A CANDLE THATS LIT" - good use of intersyllable rhyming, even if it was basic...

keep it up dawg!
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-22-03, 08:16 AM   #5
The MRB
BANNED For Being An Idiot
 
The MRB's Avatar
 
Posts: 516
From: I rep Horwich, Bolton in da UK
IP:

not bad for first time, rhyme scheme was simple, vocab and rhymes need to be upped although u ahd some nice rhymes in there for a newbie, howeva some rhymes were not good and very dodgy, wordplay was included which is uprising for a newbie but it needs to be a lot betta

Eborted Verdict- D-

^^^^
an extremely good grade for a first timer keep writing kid
Send a message via AIM to The MRB   Reply With Quote
Old 06-22-03, 08:26 AM   #6
LiL' Lecture
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
IP:

nahh that wasnt bad
  Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 01:14 AM.

Powered by vBulletin.
Copyright © 2000-2004 Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.