I Lil Poetry Freestyle, Jus gettin some feelings out

Here i go:-

Trapped at home no place to go no one to hold ...
My worst nightmare is to die old and all alone ...
What does it take for you to see this? italics or bold? ...
i feel so unhappy like this, i feel really fuckin cold ...
"dont let her fuck your head up" < was the first thing i was told ...

BUT ... when your in love you dont want to hear these things ...
they make things worse but pain is all love brings ...
i'm lost without you like an angel without her wings ...
you have more power over me than a thousand kings ...

you have all control of my feelings your all thats on my mind ...
you said you need time, but in time is happiness what i'll find ...
thats all i want for me and for you so lets use our minds ...
lets stay together and leave all behind, just bump n grind ...
get up an go never look back, run into the night till all is black ...
if we have to we'll sleep in a hay stack, i'll do anything to get you back ...
let run to the stars to find a way, i'd kill the president if it meant you'd stay...
i'd take my life if you went away, i'm not religeous but i'd even pray ...
nothing means more to me in this world than to be near your heart ...
so stop with the bullshit an make a fresh start ...
we'd hit the bullseye with a single dart ...
nether have problems, never argue never ever fight ...
keep the shit tight an i promise baby we'll be alright ...
just stay tonight and we can make love untill the night brings light...
your body is the most amazing sight, your sweet brown tan plus your smile is bright ...
your like a drug to me you make me high as a kite ...
i'm addicted to you babe, i am your personal slave ...
i will always love you even beyond the days of the grave ...
if i go to the next world before you then wait and see ...
i'll never pass the purley gates untill you come with me ...
i'll never show my face to passed on loved ones, untill your there with me ...
the angels ask me to follow, i said no an the angels flew ...
coz they know i'll go through hell to be with you .................................................. ..

this poem is very emotional....i like it....a lot of poets write on a topic similar to this....but you did a very good job....you showed your emotions very well through similes.....i like the italics or bold line......my favorite lines were the last 4 ones.....they were very touching

Thanx for the feedback savory,

I still havn't worked things out with the girl i wrote about in this poem, but i'm never gonna give up!!!

Uppin This!!!

yea i already read somthing like this what you did, and they both good, so hows shit goin now quik?

Cant get my head round anything dawg, i'm well fucked up.

Cant think about nothin else but my girl, the slightest little thing sets me off thinkin bout her... its drivin me fuckin nuts ...

I went to a rave last night to take my mind off it, an i was just standin there for a while dead bored an shit, so dropped a couple of pills an raved my ass off innit,,,... but when i was comin down i started thinkin of her again!!!

aight log on to msn dawg

DAMN........i felt tha emotions run deep in this piece...Nice contend I loved it fam....keep rockin this place fosho

__________________

I LOVEEEEEEEEE IT its soo tight u got alot of skillz in u and i wish u the best wit this girl... u seem like a good guy she's missin out

I think this could b a legend....son...this shit wuz off the meats...

Yeah ma nig! Yeah!!

Sorry, i felt that was right to start off this reply. What one of my bluds used to say after hearing/seeing something raw.

And this was quite raw and powerful. A good example of a venting piece. Really getting ya stuff down and out.]]

Went off quite a few times, but it was a venting piece. So it doesn't reallyt matter much.

..resp..

Uppin this for advice/feedback