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Old 07-07-03, 02:06 AM   #1
dice-roller
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sorry to my girl (short)

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you say you love me
but now your affraid to hug me
i told you id do nething 4 you
im sorry but, it hurt me too
i was the only 1 who understood u
go behind my back.. how could u
i understand i do a lot of wrong
i dont wanna be without u to long
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Old 07-07-03, 03:48 PM   #2
Legendary
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Too short to really like this one. There wasn't enough in it to feel what you were saying. I guess it was ok though. Just not enough to it. Write more next time.
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Old 07-07-03, 06:10 PM   #3
dice-roller
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aight thanks balla, aight some mo please
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Old 07-08-03, 01:56 AM   #4
dice-roller
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ah yo people hit this
4 me please, holla
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Old 07-08-03, 02:08 AM   #5
Verbatim
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i see where ya goin with it,
i felt it, i had similar shit happend to me, not to long ago
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Old 07-08-03, 02:12 PM   #6
dice-roller
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aight thanks man, props to ya and ya problem 4 b4, holla


hit dis up people
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Old 07-09-03, 07:13 PM   #7
dice-roller
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come on people take a min to read an write what ya think please.
holla
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Old 07-09-03, 11:24 PM   #8
ShorteRoc
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Started liking it early on...but as soon as i started really feeling it you stopped...I understand its how you felt...Just try and add more and it will defintely be a nice peice
One
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Old 07-09-03, 11:43 PM   #9
ReccA
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yep...for a really short poem it was good...i'm guessing this is one of your first pieces?...either way it was nice considering its length...lengthen the lines and the poem itself and that alone will improve a lot....keep droppin
Peace
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Old 07-11-03, 11:31 PM   #10
varentao
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It was a here and there. Most probably because you wrote it in such a personal way. And it was so short.

Nonetheless, for the short piece it was, the emotions came out well enough.

I could see how from a personal point of view it would seem a compressed piece of emotions in a layed back manner. But from an outsiders point of view, it's quite loose...

...resp...
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Old 07-16-03, 07:53 PM   #11
dice-roller
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hit dis for me people..........
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Old 07-18-03, 03:53 PM   #12
G_Gizmo.Guz
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2 short like everyone else said...not bad tho. needs more creativity and better vocab. no doubt it was good tho...
peace!
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Old 07-18-03, 05:35 PM   #13
Da NFamous
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Quote:
Originally posted by varentao
It was a here and there. Most probably because you wrote it in such a personal way. And it was so short.

Nonetheless, for the short piece it was, the emotions came out well enough.

I could see how from a personal point of view it would seem a compressed piece of emotions in a layed back manner. But from an outsiders point of view, it's quite loose...

...resp...
\
i agree when i started diggin it stopped, also u may think that because u know what the emotions mean it was enough but everynoe else needs to decypher your meaning, make it a little longer but not a novel, i like overall 1luv.
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