Yo jus droppin here for feedback so's i can take on board tha positive or negative.It's a collab and i only got 16 bars...

it's west with punches as hard as quik dryin cement/
concrete blows that'll leave u with a noticable cranial dent/
i'm spittin with tha heat and tha blisterin power of tha sun/
u'll need sunblock to not get burnt never mind i'm meltin mutha fucka's profiles for fun/
ma revolutioary multies got u thinkin u's on top of tha eiffel tower/
but i'm a lastin lyrikal typhoon not jus passin sunny shower/
I'm a warlord and i'm only unknown till u've heard me flow/
now ya heard me and best beleive u gainst me is a no show,if not u gettin dismissed with one swift personal blow/
i'm an educated mc usin met's,similies,alliteration aswell as verbs/
that said it gonna be an easy task to grind up and smoke all u herbs/
ma rhymes are on point and procise to tha last detail/
davidwest@hotmail.com is where we can cypher,so hit me with an email/
i'm a poisonous and highly venemous creature,a member of venemous verbs - no herbs here on tha bill we always considered tha main feature/
there aint no anti venom for what we be spittin,we're all deadly cobra's u wannabe's is jus non poisonous for stayin written/


yo i got a mad style switch that'll make ya eyes twitch/
fuka snitch or bitch,u know from tha vocal pitch,that i'll verbally cut ya leavin u in need of more than a paper stitch/
ma punches leavin ur bones crushed and i aint never scared/
u best holla if ya hear me coz i could rip u in sign language especially for tha hearin impared/
it's true ma bars are infectious jus like tha common flu/
all u wannabes verses are jus over tha hill without tha dru/
if u fuk wit us u gettin smoked by tha blunt and takin to death row in one swift swoop/
yung gee plus west plus blunt are like tha combination of pac,dre and snoop/
fuk whats legal i'm out for justice leavin u with exit wounds worse than steven seagal/
body slammin ur ass an claimin tha lyrikal weight championship like i was a rappin william regal/
when i'm on stage with tha mic i'm cool calm and collected/
ur foamin at tha mouth ass is like a junkie who's saverley over injected/
this verbal equation is tha first of many more to come/
what am spittin aint e = mc squared but it's enough to make einstein look dumb/

tight, i had real high hopes after the 1st 2 lines they where dope, it settled down then but was tight

Nice one zainy any more feedback peeps!!!


Peace