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Old 07-20-03, 02:29 PM   #1
E-L
BANNED By C-Section BIOTCH
 
Posts: 5
From: hell
Fuck women

IP:

Sombody call a fuckin ambulance
Wooshy's bitch just got dropped
And theres blood on his hands
but he feels like i feel
they can all get fucked
women dont understand
they dont know what the fucks up
gettin all stressed when we callin em sluts
but if they all put out and give us what we need
im only lovin em now after i smoke weed
bitch please
pursue ur position
get down on ur knees
dont be bitchin with me when im hangin with g's
u wanna drive away Alicia
but u dont got the keys
now all u wanna do is sit there and cry
whinnin and cussin
fuckin wishin i die
rowing with me
throwin fists at my face
retaliation is a must
leavin ur blood all over this place
this place thats not even urs
get the fuck out
u homeless for sure
i dont mean to be sad
im not tryin to be bad
but these motherfuckin bitches yo they makin me MAD
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Old 07-20-03, 03:20 PM   #2
RythmicTendicies
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
IP:

Rhyming/Flow
Non-Existant I'm Sorry To say! You Need Help In Rhyming - Contact Me,Bash Or Sand (Thats The Three catz That Come Into My head At The Min, Theres About 50 Others Too). Learn About MUltis Too, Intersyllable Rhyming! 1/10

Vocab/Wordplay
Same As Above (Non-Existant)..Seek Help From A Dictionary Or A Rhyming Dictionary! You had An Attempt At Wordplay Which Was Good - u wanna drive away Alicia
but u dont got the keys
- Imprve On That! 2/10

Concept/Topic
Not Too Sure, Lost me In A Few Places. Pick A Topic That relates To You And You'll Find It Alot Easier To Stay On Course! .... 2/10

Overall
Read The Above Concentrate On The Following: 1.Rhyming/Flow - (Add Multis etc..)
2.Expand Your Vocab - It Seems restricted.
3.Keep On The Topic! ...... 2/10

Contact Me At aLi_DefJam@hotmail.com If You Want Any Advice Or Anything..k

Keep Improvin' Dawg , It'll Come To You!
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