Here We Go..........Lemme Tell Yall A Story..........


At The Age Of 13 I Was Livin Life In The Fast Lane//
Homework, Friends, Puberty, Shit Drove Me Insane//
But Lemme Explain, I Was Under So Much Stress//
I Hated Life, People, School, I Was The Biggest Mess//
I must Confess, I Acted Like I had The Perfect Life//
But The Only Thing Perfect Was My Pocket Knife//
In The Middle Of the Night, I ran To The Kitchen//
I Couldnt Sleep Cuz All I could Hear Was My Mom Bitchin//
But Please Listen, I Love My Family With All My Heart//
But Its Them Who Really Tore My Life Apart//
It Was So Dark, And The Only Thing Seen Was The Glare//
I Thought, Can I really Do this? Do People Really Care?//
It Was My Dare, To My Self, It Would Prove My Strength//
So I took It To Me, From There To It Was A 2 Inch Length//
I Felt The Pain, It Hurt Just To Even Think About The Screams//
Pictured My Mom Coming After Me, But She Was Far Away In Dreams//
Could I Be So Keen? Yes, I Would Do it Fast, Get It Over//
Should I Take Something To Ease? Or Should I Stay Sober?//
My Life Is Over, All I Could Think Of Was Being Somwhere Else//
Somewhere There Is Fun And Laughter, Somewhere To Find Help//
But Then I Felt...Just The Slightest Touch On My Upper Back//
I Turned By Only Saw A Figure With The OutLine Of Black//
I Just Relaxed, Becuz I Knew That My Life Would Never Be Gone//
I Just Owe A Thank You To My One And Only Loving Mom//



Done--

Replies....

--This really happened.....to me........cept......I changed it round alittle bit..........--

U're allowed too post one open mic per day....So this will be closed....

i posted that other one yesterday

No u didnt because the other one said...........posted: 07-28-03 at 01:34 AM

umm thats when i wrote back to someones reply dumbass

No it isnt dumbass , Look at da top , it says when da open mic was posted , u retarted dumbass , for example this one says posted: 07-28-03 at 06:28 PM

whatever man, i know when i posted my shit.....i know the fuckin rules.....just back the fuck off

Not a bad piece, nicely structured, ditch the dashes at the end of the lines it makes you look like a newbie, more internals and multi's would of helped improve the flow, quite good imagery wise and the story was nicely told, stuck to the topic well, i wasnt feeling the style switch sort of mid-way through, that threw the flow slightly in my opinion, but overall not a bad drop, a couple areas that could use work are the bar lengths, try to keep them all roughly 12-16 syllables per line, add more internals and multi's.

Not bad though, made for an ok read.

Props.

ight good lookin out man......i'll try those on my next drop

uppin

bash, you aren't a mod. so stfu.

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Thanks