ive blown up on my friends so im alone again
ive lost faith in life so i must end it
ive fought hard against it but i can fight no more
so i sit here.....dead on the inside.......im trapped
but u know there does come a time in life when you realize that you've lost....
and ive come to that point in time....
despite the kindest words an nicest things that i've heard come from you i cant stop this
i need this to happen......sorry
its simple.....really.....yet more complicated thoughts arise
counting down the days with my words
each brining me closer to the truth, the end, and a happier me
i can imagine the tears as they run down your face
as you try to get it through to me
but you can't hear the pain in my voice
and you can't be inside my mind
i've wasted so much time with all my sighs of pain
i've tried to let you into the depths of my mind, the darkness of my soul
but i can't even understand the mysterious thoughts that swarm my head
so how can i explain? words do have their boundries
trying to untangle these twisted memories
nothing i can say would help you understand
there is a simple way to fix these issues
i know its you that i'll miss the most
believe me or not, i just have a funny way of admiting it
you'll find me though, riding through the clouds like they were waves crashing on the shore
we shall meet again in a calmer place where insanety keeps at bay
but will you really miss me? nothing but a name on the breeze
sure you'll weap at first but then i'll fade into the smile
of your family an love, fade into the warm sun light upon your face
but what shall i do, but say goodnight to the stars and the moon?
the potential for death is promising beyond belief
and so there is nothing that will stop me now and i just want to say
i'm sorry...i'm sorry...goodbye


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...9160#post689160
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...9163#post689163

This Was An Alright..Suicide Poem....Alright
Like Your Other 3 Threads...After The Tournament
Theres Gonna Be Changes But This Was Alright Here

~Content~

wha ya talkin bout?

up

Look, no hate. You're a good writer.

But can you please follow the rules. You've now got four pieces on the front page. All your own doing (upped by yourself).

Only allowed two pieces on front page of own accord.

Two will now be closed. Re-opened once others clear.

CLOSED for now.

thnx for openin this now can i get some feed?

you got skill but your waistin on tha same material,chil on tha suicide poems,keep elevatin.~1~

u write what u know

yes u do it is very important ta do tha write what you know


Flow: it was good had very nice strucuture n im startin ta really like yur style more n more it had complexity n was creative even tho this is a heavily used topic, some other cats jus don get emotion in it they jus write what comes to mind u it came fro the heart n it was deep, you stated what all the other people around you would feel like n told the story as if it really would happen the effect not only to u (most cats jus focus on on person)

Wordplay/Vocab: it was strong it was a mixture of complex n simple words makes your style even more unique

Topic heavily used but like i said u pulle threw n made this piece stick out n make it unique, n like you said, you write what you know


Critisim: not much here but the fact tha it coulda used more raw emotion n flow (gotta gve ya somethinto work on , n a person never has enough raw emotion)


Overal: 8/10



..resp..

werd thnx bro i jus wish more peps would leave feed like that lol

Quite gloomy and gritty. You went into yourself and took a lot out onto paper. Not relenting with much. Which is good. You took a heavy stance which came off well.

Okay, so at times you went over things in a played way. Could've been more original in how you went about it AT TIMES.

But overall, a piece that can most defiently be felt.

..resp...