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08-11-03, 12:57 AM
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#1
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Guest
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Eating Me Inside ~ By Northern Touch
IP:
Ok this piece is inspired through the abused that I live everyday Mentally, The pain I suffered through years in my life....
Please If you want to critique fine by me... But don't use this piece as fuel or to feed from if you battle me... Not A Man Looking in a reflection of events to come... I run and run... Sterring at my father... The thing that I have become... Stunned I cry, To the point where I grab my gat Wish I died... Listening to the chamber turn... DEATH... the one thing I yurn... Wishing I could be the one alone to chrash and burn... My world begins to turn as I close my eyes... as the paramedic checks my pulse dropping and not ...rise... Remebering the words of the ancient and the wise... Now I see the times they change, Leaving us, it seems so strange I am hoping I can find, Where to leave my hurt behind All the shit I seem to take, All alone I seem to break I have lived the best I can, Does this make me not a man? Slowly I am loosing a grip of reality... listening to the hypocrites voices who claim to beleive in christianity... Blasfemy and hypocrecy is the what they represent... knowing that none of us is truly heaven sent... Knowing my path, of humanity's true wrath, trying to wash the hurt with just a bath... Now I see the times they change, Leaving us, it seems so strange I am hoping I can find, Where to leave my hurt behind All the shit I seem to take, All alone I seem to break I have lived the best I can, Does this make me not a man? Now in the operating room, lying on the bed... Nurse cleaning the broom, with the stains of red... BOOM!!, realizing I'm not asleep........... but dead... Now I see the times they change, Leaving us, it seems so strange I am hoping I can find, Where to leave my hurt behind All the shit I seem to take, All alone I seem to break I have lived the best I can, Does this make me not a man? Last edited by Northern Touch. : 08-11-03 at 01:01 AM. |
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08-11-03, 02:28 AM
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#2
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Guest
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IP:
this was ill kid,nice drop,it flowed together well,good plot,nice way to express your past in poetry,keep droppin,~1~
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08-11-03, 12:44 PM
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#3
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New to RB
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IP:
Wow!!!
Yo...just elevate the spirit and the life will follow.... Nice Out
__________________
Rev 12:11 - Use your voice...  
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08-11-03, 08:42 PM
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#4
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Guest
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IP:
Thanks for the feedback
Comments are welcomed but feedback is required |
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08-12-03, 01:54 PM
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#5
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Guest
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IP:
hmmm well deep imaginary motion on this peice
deep emoitions on how you used the wordlay to become part of the action which is good in poetry to do Qoute""Slowly I am loosing a grip of reality... listening to the hypocrites voices who claim to beleive in christianity... Blasfemy and hypocrecy is the what they represent... knowing that none of us is truly heaven sent... Knowing my path, of humanity's true wrath, trying to wash the hurt with just a bath...Qoute""" that was mad deep ill imaginary it gave you a picture of wat he musta felt imaginary i give you a 8/10 wordplay and ryhimn sceme was a 7/10 i aint like the way you wrote ir in a sene but still good poem i guess poets jus have there own way of writin overall id give you a 9/10 very good peice much respect |
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08-13-03, 01:41 AM
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#6
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Guest
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IP:
Honestly Northern I never knew you had it in you this shit is soooo deep and really good maybe you should stop battelin and focus in on poetry, so that you can stop wining battles ...lol.
Anyways good piece... |
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