hey its been awhile but im back yet again anywho here it is...

I dont know when the next time will be when i see your smilin face//
I look up at the clouds, prayin to god to send you back to your right place//
I cant imange a life without you here secure, close by my side//
I once told you that things would never change, i hate to think that i lied//

Your sparkling blue eyes truly blew away all my cloudy days//
without you i wouldnt been able to part the shit and see my way//
Your tiny hands held me up like crutches, when you pain twice more//
bastard stealing you away, to scared to stand up, sinkin right throu the floor//

Some ppl dont relise what they rip apart with one simple act//
want to show them all the pain it causes, but im too slow to react//
theres always these what ifs runnin blindly throu my head//
wishin screams would mute and i'd wake up with you safe in your bed//

Your fragil mind is too young to possibly take all this hell in//
tryin to find words to put it in but no matter what its always gonna be a sin//
And as you turn around in the back of your car seat to wave good-bye//
i swallow hard, hold my head high, wish you all the best, givin in to all the pain and cry//

__________________

Oh i loved this....
it was really well written, and so very emotional...
captured the pain really well ma
stay up

Though at times over-elaborating in many aspects. The purity of the piece made that less relevant.

By purity, i mean the heartfelt emotions. The raw way in which you wrote it, not allowing structure or anything to dictate too much.

The pain was easily relatable.

..resp...

thx all keep uppin

__________________

dont sleep

__________________

quit sleepin

__________________

^seriously, be patient. You upped it twice in a day or something. It'll come. This place is relaxed.

uppin

__________________

baby girl, I felt this... I could feel the pain in this piece
good work...
keep dropping and keep speaking straight from the heart, that's what poetry is all about.
Nice drop

I dont know when the next tme will be when i see your smilin face//
I look up at the clouds,prayin to god to send you back to your right place//
^^^ I love the imagery you displayed, i can see a smilin face lookin back my memorys thats how deep i perceived it

Your sparkling blue eyes truly blew away all my cloudy days//
without you i wouldnt been able to part the shit and see my way//
^^ your stanzas all start out very strong and finish good

Some ppl dont relise what they rip apart with one simple act//
want to show them all the pain it causes, but im too slow to react//
^^ I can envision your pain throughout the piece

Your fragil mind is too young to possibly take all this hell in//
tryin to find words to put it in but no matter what its always gonna be a sin//
And as you turn around in the back of your car seat to wave good-bye//
i swallow hard, hold my head high, wish you all the best, givin in to all the pain and cry//
^^ strong finish to the piece keep writin and elevatin yourself

pz DF