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Old 08-18-03, 04:42 AM   #1
Calisto
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"Poor little 'rich' girl"...

IP:

I've been searching all my life, but it's me who needed to be found
Wading through a knee high trench, but still I managed to drown

I'm sickened looking at this page, disgusted by these words
The generic way the letters form, no character in their curve

The extravagant blandness of this upper middle class society
Pockets full of silver and gold that leaves one's soul empty

Pushing the edge of whatever persona they claim to exemplify
Because through their dignity, my faults are someway amplified

Somehow,all of who I am has become a cause of distress
The motions that I wrongly choose inflict shock an pailness

I can’t expel individuality, being yourself through it all costs
I haven’t found my way out yet, but at least I know I’m lost...

Go ahead, I know I'm the last person who should be complaining... But don't act like over half of us aren't from the suburbs, or altleast well off, I'm jus one of the ones who's got the balls to claim it.
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Old 08-18-03, 04:49 AM   #2
BADASSBITCH4LIFE
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Posts: 97
From: CALI
IP:

~!WOW!~thats sum good shit that i can relate to,but ur right u do have balls enuff to claim that shit an most ppl are middle class like u.Anyway nice drop.Uppin~1~
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Old 08-18-03, 03:15 PM   #3
Nicanda
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IP:

Like it!

"I'm sickened looking at this page, disgusted by these words
The generic way the letters form, no character in their curve"

I could really relate to those lines, it made me think of some of the shit I've written, that I despised and had no hope in, but then realising how much feeling there is in it.

Good vocab and good flow, really good piece. Big thumbs up, keep it up!
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Old 08-18-03, 07:26 PM   #4
varentao
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The first four lines really stood out. For many writers could relate. At different levels, but nonetheless, relate.

It was written with a real smoothness. It flowed. Allowing a solid depiction. Yet the meaning not so blatant that it is immediatly apparent.

I agree. Suburbs are better living than urban city overall. Yet people seem to have the need to front on here. I understand it, but it's still at times annoying/amusing/sad.

..resp....
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Old 08-18-03, 09:41 PM   #5
Content
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From: Pittsburgh,Pennsylvania Baby
IP:

expel or excel..they both sound good....lemme read again...

I'm sickened looking at this page, disgusted by these words
The generic way the letters form, no character in their curve

~this was good when you showed me and still remains~
~at its peak..nicely worded and real to be honest~
~we all go through dry spells~

Pushing the edge of whatever persona they claim to exemplify
Because through their dignity, my faults are someway amplified

~very good..many portray what they really arent and its~
~disguisting...jehovias witnesses...god is good bless you~
~and then they depict themselves before you over~
~their body flaws...'vices'...then assume theyre better~

I can’t expel individuality, being yourself through it all costs
I haven’t found my way out yet, but at least I know I’m lost...

~youll find your way girl lifes an eternal classroom for realz~
~and its not over you gotta long one ahead of ya~
~get that license!~

I may be wrong but this is what I got from your piece
and it was structured perfectly and written well..
shake the haters lurking sworving from afar...

peace
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Old 08-18-03, 09:52 PM   #6
Da NFamous
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From: Queens
IP:

^ i believe u meant swerving anyway i didnt like this piece, as u sed urself u should be the last to complain and i feel like the acceptance of poems like this is almost a slap in the face for those of us who are daily grinding or working 9 to 5 etc to eat. To be honest the topic disgusted me but your skill shows. I dont know wut else to say i appreciate the poem as poetry but the topic saddens me that you cant be content at the top, 1luv.
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Old 08-18-03, 10:23 PM   #7
varentao
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^^I think it's more about money replacing 'soul'. Or 'love'. Along those lines.

Of course, she cannot complain on the same level as people doing 9-5 and still living in an 'endless' grind. But nonetheless, they have the right to complain. They have their own sufferings too. But i know what you're saying.

I heard/seen some right shite in my time along those lines. From people who live it up relatively easy. Though i understand it, i don't like it.
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Old 08-18-03, 11:27 PM   #8
Content
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From: Pittsburgh,Pennsylvania Baby
IP:

its like u compaining when people in third world countries
dont have half of what we have nd never will...

you gotta look at this from a different angle
money might makeyou happy fo a moment but
it brings forth more problems....(gay song)

what v said explains it...what goes on
even disquists calisto but she wrote it
nobodys life is perfect homie
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Old 08-19-03, 12:14 AM   #9
Calisto
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I was sickened by this... but in all honesty the motivation came from this site.. I was in the member's pic area lookin an homeboy was sittin on a Lexus.. talkin about in his ghetto/hood, knowin that he was holdin a huntin rifel (I think we all know who I'm talkin about) I'm not sayin that I have it bad I never have said that. It was more about how everything here is fake, but it looks pretty, and that's all that seems to count. I haven't had this all my life, I enjoy that I have it now, but I'd rather have the closeness I used to have when my mom was workin 2 jobs. Knowin that she was bustin her ass to get me that life size barbie, felt good, now I can say "No, I don't want that car, I want this one (when I get my lisence Con)" and that feels good, but more in the financial security way, not the my momma loves me way. Now I feel like she does it more for other people than for me or our family. It's a hard concept to grasp or even tolerate if you are struggeling... just know that I didn't mean it as an insult... I've been there (I didn't have to work because I was little) but I've gotten socks from the Easter Bunny, an all my toys were from the dollar store, I got it good now... And that's something to be proud of, but there are things that I wish were different, and I do feel like there are mainly middle class people on this site claimin to live in the projects, or the ghetto... I'm jus "keepin it real"... thank you very much, I love how I can write something and you guys never miss the meaning, Var an Content, thanks for stickin up for me... love all of y'all Peace
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Old 08-19-03, 12:32 AM   #10
prophiit
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I read this piece using two different concepts, one as you speaking from a standpoint of not having "anything" and then two using you as the person who has "something" and it works both ways really which takes a significant amount of talent. No, not everyone has what you have, but you seemed to show that even though you're not struggling you still have problems and you haven't forgotten where you came from.

The extravagant blandness of this upper middle class society
Pockets full of silver and gold that leaves one's soul empty-basically you just said "money dosen't mean anything" and its true.

I can’t expel individuality, being yourself through it all costs
I haven’t found my way out yet, but at least I know I’m lost...-here you tell us you may not have found who you really are but you know who you are not. A good step in the right direction in my opinon.

In closing I can somewhat relate I used to live in the suburbs and then my girlfriend had my son so now I'm trying to make it on my own both lifestyles have their pro's and con's for anyone who dissed this piece because the writer has money missed the point. She's trying to tell you be yourself good advice it will save you alot of pain in the future. Thank you again Calisto for a poignant and moving piece.1
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Old 08-19-03, 12:52 AM   #11
Jes
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From: so. cali
IP:

Was a nice piece, and I hand it to you for telling it how it is for you(living in the suburbs). somethings didn't connect for me, but it wasn't due to your writing, more so personal disagreement.

I can relate. I lived in the "bad areas" moved on up, fell back down, and moved even higher. Now, we've stabilized (my mom and I) but reality is she still works two jobs that has never changed. and now 18, I own my own business and have a license in another and still go to college full time. We really worked together on it though. So the lifestyle we have now, i'm insistent on keeping... to greedy to fall back down.

overall nice message. gets people thinking and thankful for all their blessings. I know I am.
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Old 08-19-03, 08:18 PM   #12
bouncedoggydog
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From: Los Angeles
IP:

I was in that thread and had many thoughts that paralleled yours... I loved your piece and basically that needed to be expressed, cuz it is so true. I am a product of my expereices and surroundings, so I can relate to your intent, and often see many perp's... I just sit back and take it all in, but your so on point with this. You are a very real person and I love you for that, please don't ever change....

Keeping it real, and then some...

Bounce

Keep bringing the Thunda!
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Last edited by bouncedoggydog : 08-19-03 at 08:21 PM.
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Old 08-19-03, 11:09 PM   #13
Calisto
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IP:

^I actually said "aww, I love him, he's so awesome!!" Prophiit that reply means a lot to me, I appreciate that you took the time to really reply... Not that others didn't... just your analyzation of this peice was more on a poetical level... I thank all of you for being open minded to this, even if it did offend you, you don't have to accept it, but I really respect that you took in what this was as poetry... that second bar... I just realized what it meant as far as metaphorically. It's like everything about me, even down to the way that I form my letters when I wrote that on paper were characteristic to my social class and it made me sick... we all like to have nice things, I'm lucky I have it... and lucky to be a member of a site with people who are so real... said it before I'll say it again, love all y'all, peace

Last edited by Calisto : 08-19-03 at 11:12 PM.
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Old 08-23-03, 04:44 PM   #14
MzFiyahSpitta
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Posts: 2
From: New York
IP:

this the first thing i read on this board and i really liked it...i was feelin the emotiona and where u were going with this poem i really liked these parts:

I'm sickened looking at this page, disgusted by these words
The generic way the letters form, no character in their curve

I can’t expel individuality, being yourself through it all costs
I haven’t found my way out yet, but at least I know I’m lost...

it had a nice flow to it also
~MzFiyahSpitta~
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