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Old 08-18-03, 10:35 PM   #1
youngblood
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From: where im at
"Drive"...feedback needed

IP:

I don’t comprehend life, try and put it all in perspective//
With the fears that I live and the rhymes I console with//
Tears strain from the pain, from an everlasting reign//
Stay away from the flames that envelop a life frame//
Think back through the glories and hardships I’ve suffered//
A struggle of loss to fight and develop a lost soul further//
Regret consumes consequences of decisions so torn//
Baptized, anew life, new sight in eyes as if a newborn//
Take ahold of my future and seize all I’ve been given//
To reminisce of my past would be a disgrace to living//
Dreams and hopes conquer fears, years conquer tears//
To lose all passion and will puts smiles on my peers//
I’ll never be honest with the truth if the truth always lies//
How can living right be right when sin’s my strongest alibi?//
Fight back through the mind cracks that allow confusion to enter//
Cant grasp full conception of this life like my fingers got splinters//
As long as reality is senseless, a new ambition always lingers//
And allow soul to flow as a whole; distinguish winners from sinners//
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Old 08-18-03, 10:44 PM   #2
LikeWise
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Take ahold of my future and seize all I’ve been given//
To reminisce of my past would be a disgrace to living//


Word!


I’ll never be honest with the truth if the truth always lies//
How can living right be right when sin’s my strongest alibi?//


Preach it brother!


As long as reality is senseless, a new ambition always lingers//
And allow soul to flow as a whole; distinguish winners from sinners//

Didn't like the ending...


The other two i quoted i thought was right on point tho..You had a nice little piece here..Not to much of anything outstanding ..I think if you work a little more on originality and shock factor that it'd be in your best interest as an emcee..But overall it was a pretty solid drop..


Stay up, 1ne
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Old 08-18-03, 10:48 PM   #3
youngblood
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thanx yo, mad respect..i'll work on that

more feedback needed, this is my 3rd open mic
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Old 08-18-03, 11:00 PM   #4
Sir Cedrych
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nice stuff though good wordplay 8/10 bro man
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Old 08-19-03, 01:30 AM   #5
youngblood
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uppin 4 feedback
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