check dis out;

i feel pale when i stare into your bloodshot eyes
theres a truth in your lies that u try to disguise
when you get cut down to size, youll see just why i analyse
these situations, tear them up in my rhymes.
you pathetic and prosthetic, your fake as can be
your face is out of place in this rung of society,
i wont pretend to like something that i truly hate,
i wanna tear you down again and then ill close this debate
i cant wait, the time will come when the powerless have power,
just wait and see, i garantee, in hell your soul'll be devoured
youll get just just desserts, and im not talkin ice cream,
throw your back against the wall like a lump of plastercine.
and im gonna end this scene with my lyrical dream,
the liftoff site, for our fight to change the way things seem,
just to intense with burning passsion and the truest desire
and all the weight of all the world will never put out this fire.

woo!
-stephanie

IM FEELING THIS NEEDS MINOR WORK BUT FOR THE MOST PART THIS WAS REAL ILL CAN T WAITE TO SEE MORE FROM YOU PEEP MINES

yeh this was good, had a good flow, pretty good vocab,
keep droppin, lookin forward to seein more from you
peace

yay! positive feedback!
(your cheques are in the mail guys!)
;-)

WNNA COLLAB

This was a pretty solid drop... You're multis were onbviously the main draw on this piece... upping the flow and vocab might help youre pieces next time. Your opening 2 lines were what caught my eye and kept me reading.

good start nerb...flow was iight word play was pretty good definitly a good start...be lookin forward to readin more of yah scripts...peace

__________________
Open Mics
The Weathers Art
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673
My Teenage Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850
Secluded
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851
Open Your Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461

lacking meta and vocab

this would do better as a poem

yeah gud idea word, collab