Yo people, It dont rhyme but tell me what you all think of it nehow.

Dark Path

As I walk threw the ally,
I feel a thousand eyes,
preparing for attack,
Thiers No turning back,
A quick glance behind me,
shows they are following,
I cant escape,
No matter what I do,
they have the upper hand,
before I can turn around again,
and make a shot,
They have already got to me,
I can feel my life,
fading away,
I look around and see them,
taking my money,
As the darkness approaches,
I see the color of red,
as my blood surronds me,
nothing else to do,
but to finally let go......

Attached Images

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iight

when i read this i get the feeling of someone trying to get away from there own emotions, but they cant ignore them forever, and its getting harder and harder to pretend they're not there.

i know thats not what you meant you had just the simple poem about some one getting followed and killed by these other ppl but everyone feels these diff

it need more feeling in it, needed to tell more of the story, i did like the realness at the end where they actually did die, instead of always this and lived happy ever after again and again. but you do need to put some more depth into it, paint more of a story for us, use all your senses, smell touch anything to brig it up some

your vocab was like a 6/10 all these simple words, try to up that some, but in this little piece it wasnt all that big of deal, but it could bring it up a tad if you had a bigger vocab

iight keep droppin k you do got some talent i see it reading to burst open, just put some emotion/ feeling into it iight

~Tera~
DONT HATE

__________________

said it alllll

yo this was an overall nice read
I saw it as a situation where you felt like you couldn't trust the people around you or something and that you feel like they're taking everything from you.
Anyway, try to keep elevating, no hate intended though
but if you work it out a lil more, this could be a dope piece

keep droppin

1 luv

Hmmmm...

...i feel this piece. For it's simple yet has a bit of depth to it.

One who 'knows' areas that are not very nice at all. With dark alley ways. but not just alleys, but streets and what not. Will 'get' this piece more than others (maybe, as suburban areas can provide the same problems). And it's whole atmosphere, it's intensity. It doesn't give too much background information. But to me, that's the whole point of the piece. You know, people who 'know' will be able to put the otherwise missing 'links' together.

I felt the leap to 'letting go' was a bit sudden and made it slightly dis-jointed. But overall, it was a quite raw and atmospheric piece. A short one at that. Providing a short burst of realism. And that realism was what made this piece good (in my opinion).

..resp...