here we go let tha shit-begin,im tippin-gin,while grippin-pens,made a lil extra time for flippin-tens//
weed-game or dope-war,so many acts bring-shame so ill just smoke-more keep my shit seperate, whos tha coke-for//
most gangs-rain-pain through tha steal-that-they-buyin,gettin fucked up off tha pills-that-they-tryin,they talk quietly to not be heard but they still liein//
gettin high so im flyin,time flys by wit so much cryin//
before ya know it another years come// and more fears are put into those who are here just to get some//
material things are in need to be achieved,but greed leaves me believin it leads to needs//
still tired-of-bein-broke,not wired-but-seein-smoke,gettin fired-not-seein-hope//
efforts are made-why are they for nothin,gettin played-by hoes so im still puffin//
cops still cuffin and we still runnin,canons still blast wit sound thats numbin//
water keeps leakin due to bad plumbin,lookin for a better life wish i had somethin//
these mentalitys seem to change originality,people forgetin were they come from destroyin origin-had-to-be.

It would be better dogg if you evened out your flow and structure, it would make for an easier read.

uppin

feeling this one, just like that other one I replied on...
Yo, I don't know... I don't think this shit is hard to read...
"still tired-of-bein-broke,not wired-but-seein-smoke,gettin fired-not-seein-hope//"
every coma ends the rhyme, it separates the words that got the same sound... then come the slashes // thas the end of that sound... after that comes a different sound, a different group of words that sound similar, and so on and shit... get it... I ain't hard to read... it ain't common true... just a different style...
-1-

yo you had nice vocab, just like your other 1, but your structure could still use a lill work, lol

thanks for tha replies,uppin^^^^