give me an idea of what you think:
Im the wind that moves the trees/
send a tremour to your knees/
Im an earth quake/
make the world shake/

with my presence there comes fear/
my lyrics peirce through your ear/
to your ear drum/
i am fatal D the only one/
im unique/
the way i walk, the way i speak/

my ryhmes are so tight/
mixed up emotions from deep inside/
try all you might/
take my life but not my pride/

tell me what you think it took me 5 mins to come up wid that.
i appriciate your thoughts
.............D

^^terrible. you need to expand your vocab and really use something from your life to make people feel it.

Dag...^^^agree with him....u need to work on ur voccab and expaond ur linez


holla at myne...i think i got somthing u could feed off of...Not puttin urs down...

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=79314

for a newbie...u did iight....i take it you juz starten though...try to up your vocab..right bout things you feel for...maybe your hate for poverty...give people the 4-11 on your inflantations peace msn check my drop out venom..later

__________________
Open Mics
The Weathers Art
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673
My Teenage Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850
Secluded
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851
Open Your Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461

for a newb u's aight, but u need to make ur lines longer, the vocab and wordplay needs to elevate, but whatever, just keep postin and maybe put in more thought than 5 min before postin cause the work u put into ur rhymes reflects the way they are read, so just keep ur chin and keep postin dude.