Da game is startin and my blood is rushin, my hands is all that im trustin, catching the ball is my only wish, deeze guys will be after me like a bunch of fish, i know if i catch it ill be gone in a flash, ill be rollin in bundles of cash. I got a corner back to my left and a linebacker to my right, i know the only way ill catch it is if i fight. one moment is my moment of glory, not just yet it wont be the end of my story

sippin on the gatorade on da sidelines, Just like the good old times, im pumped up now i wanna go out and kill, cause they know I'm full of skill. I'm hearin people cheer my name, cause they all know who made the game, im thirsty for blood , im gonna knock someone out just like dewanye rudd.

the qb is my target today, im out for that man he is going to die this day, he is going to get shook out of his shoes, he ain't got no wheels he needs some 22's, when im done with him he is not going to be able to walk, yeah he is all talk he can turn around and just take a walk. im going to throw him like a rag doll, because this is the game of football.16

help me improve tell me what i need to work on

alright...you need to elavate..try putting your rhymes right under one another so we can catch the flow easier...vocab was lil but im sure you can improve as you keep droppin...good read i liked some parts...but try to make something that even out shines ya self...check my drop out called venom...an keep workin man it'll help for real

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Open Mics
The Weathers Art
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673
My Teenage Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850
Secluded
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851
Open Your Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461

vocab-was aight
wordplay-could improve (catching the ball is my only wish, deeze guys will be after me like a bunch of fish.....has potential, but u need to word it differently...)
Catching the ball is my only wish, these fat gay guys'll be afta me like a french guy serving a side dish <- - - stretched, but sounds better then a bunch of fish...why would fish be after you in football?

Anyways i thought it was aight for a new guy....just keep your head up and keep writin....peace

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...2163#post772163

i thought it was pretty good, the wordlplay needs to elevate a little, and i agree wit rule i think u should write your rhymes under one another cause it was pretty hard to catch some of the flow, but overall it was pretty good.

this was okay but i agree you should work on ya wordplay the topic wasn't the greatest but write about what ya know na'mean. the flow was okay but work on ya structure, all in all i think this was a pretty decent spit.

thanks i apprecitate it ill work on it

this was a nice peice, cant really say much that everyone else hasnt but i agree with writing rhymes under eachother jus alot easier to flow to, u had aight vocab and wordplay could have been better but an interesting peice to read and as time goes on ur skills will grow, please look at my peice 1 boy

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Corrupted Visions