heres the skinny...if you dont reply you wont get replies...
i have this shit here saved and once you reply to more people...
with more than a sentence ill repost this in your thread...
if you dont like this go to open mic where they bullshit reply...

thank you for your time and attention

Hmmmmm, well I basically don't think the emotion you had for your ex was shown in this poem. You started off talking about life which isnt really about your ex. I think you could've used more expression in it, expanded on how close you and your ex were. I thought it was really thoughtless when I read it, just didn't really seem to make a point on how close you and your ex were. It was basically just like you said you loved her and then ended it, no other feelings were shown in this piece. Work on expressing your feelings more freely and don't hold them back, there isn't nothing to be afraid of. Use the emotion you showed more and expand on the thoughts and feelings you have.

Love.

thanx. i will try that was the 1st poem i have ever wrote....

thanx agian,..

PZ

yeah, I'm just glad to see that you didn't retaliate on the criticism I've given, afterall, I'm here to help. If you don't mind can you read my poem and leave your thoughts?

Love

iight

first thing is that what paul said about

"You started off talking about life which isnt really about your ex."

you started talking about whats the point of life? what else is there to do other then smoke up get high, lifes mistakes, well if you actually think about it , when you have a break up with some one who was your LIFE, then you do sometimes think things like that, emotion shows throu there about how much you miss them, that your thinking where do i go now ive lost everything to me that was what made life worth living!!

anyway it was short, and basic, but it served its purpose, to get shit out about how you where feeling, and sometimes its hard to get out what your feeling, but just let yourself write whatever comes to mind, and you'll be surprised sometimes how much of it is actually actually how your feeling.

nice first drop

~Tera~
DONT HATE

__________________

^^ thanx man i appreicate that...

Pz..

I like it all excoet for the part about smoking the bowl. what does she have to do with smoking?

I have felt the same way. Wit the rest of them you started just about what lifes point is. You jumped from one to another. stay on the suject, good drop thou, understand how you feel

what i meant, was she was my life, there is no more point in life...
and in my sadness i turn to DRUGS, to find an answer....

thanx PZ