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In

damn it...in...

I don't quite completely understand the topic though...

i cant compose my life, how am i suppose to write
light doesn't illuminate my fate, cant face the light
sight is blind to reality, no weight, empty calorie
pockets to collect dust in, just a disgusting salary
my life's a discussion in fallacy, lie's interpreted
run from the righteous and let's let the serpent in
dig deep in my soul, bury the pain.. keep it from surfacing
worry tears of rain, strained from my worth in sin
heart of tin bursting from hate's flowing fire within
burning my skin till i expire from earth's entire spin
bless my next of kin, child with a father who's half there
why bother, i wouldn't dare to pass him this path of despair
its not fair, so instead i stay spoon fed with doom and dread
until the time i am presumed dead, then.. remove my head
cut out my mind ruined in red, left is blood shed from evil
enough anguish for a million people to feed each one's sequel
this is equal to a conversation with God hoping he'd reach you
teach you a lesson and the point he and I are stressing
choices are what make each direction a different expression
When shame keeps testing & get’s you guessing the game
Switch frames & just get the game guessing the same
We’re all expecting the fame, only to pull up lame w/ doubts
But that’s what the game’s about.. uncertanties & wishes
Just when you think life taste’s delicious
You come to find out it’s been served on dirty dishes

Life is a guessing game.. sometimes you guess wrong

hot verse........really soory for the freepost but his structure is hot...............he leads onto each verse with a smooth flow,and ya line are sick for the subject....nice work.......

am I dead or just high...I can't really decide...
feelin' deprived of nutrition while my inner entity fliez...
doez my girl really love me or is she after my cash...
am I really the only nigga that gets to be tappin' that ass...
I break down like captionz and glass...
pause my life as I take time to ponder upon this dancer'z reflection...
sometimez I wonder if in this world if there could be more answerz than questionz...
I can't find direction...there seemz to be a fork in the road...
I stick it in my heart just to see how short my life goez...
why was I born...what the fuck was my purpose in life...
why am I speaking to my friendz when only angry wordz will suffice...
why did my life turn out to be such a catastrophe...
why is the only light at the end of the tunnel a cop's flashlight that's chasing after me...
why do I still have worriez and doubts on my mind...
why do I continue to try to climb the eternal mountain of time...
why on earth was I placed on this ground...
where vibrationz are made by scientific equationz of sound...
I contain a hate that's profound...
a deep hatred for life as a whole...
that's why I can slit my veinz and drink my ice when it's cold...
but why though...why the fuck am I stuck in this world...
wondering if I'm the only man here that's fuckin' this girlz...
am I a bad father because on occasion I'm slappin' my son...
will I still be stranded on this planet when the final rapture has come...
I hope my death will be slow cause hopefully my life will be fast...
at night I say my prayerz to see if God answerz any of the questionz that I have rightfully asked...

i thought the question style of KOT was ill as fuck, A bit like fredro starrs track, (cant remember which one) evolves verse flowed well and stuck to the subject but so did KOT's..... this is a hard one, but i think i'm gonna have to go with KOT for keeping me interested with the question thing,,,,, MAJOR PROPS TO BOTH

I Think Alot Of Rb. Heads I Have Never Seen Before
Really Impress Me In Sacred Scriptures And This
One OF Them.. Evolve, Came Nice As Expected With
Good Internal Rhymes.. Fluent Flow, And Great Delivery.
The Topic Was Well Put Also.. KOT Really Impressed Me
here.. His Vocab Was Great, And Knew How To Make
It All Flow Together.. And He Had Sum Superb
Thought-Provoking Lines In There As Well

Opener - KOT
On Topic - Both
Structure - Both
Metas - KOT
Wordplay - KOT
Enjoyment - KOT
Creativity - Both
Finisher - KOT

Wow, I Didn't Know He Did That WEll Myself Til'
I Broke It Down.. Good Stuff Here, Just Gotta
Give It Up For The Kid

Vote - KOT

Return It
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...?threadid=80100

thanks for the support Auspicious...Evolve...nice battle dog...ya verse gave me inspiration...

I HATE RB... lol... can i get some damn votes

Wow I haven’t done one of these true break downs in a while…*grabs the sandpaper – scraps of the rust, alright here we go*

Evolve-
You’ve got a distinctness that reflects you so personally. Even though its not all real, you make things seem like its your actual life, and those are your feelings. You’ve got an ability to make words not work for you but instead work with you.

“worry tears of rain, strained from my worth in sin
heart of tin bursting from hate's flowing fire within
burning my skin till i expire from earth's entire spin
bless my next of kin, child with a father who's half there
why bother, i wouldn't dare to pass him this path of despair”

-I read that part in like 10 seconds, and that’s only because when there’s the perfect combination of words and the meaning to which the words stand for, I can read rather quickly, but when it falls off I don’t read as fast. So the fact I read 5 lines within 10 seconds shows that that was perfect.

“this is equal to a conversation with God hoping he'd reach you”

- Great line. This line and the lines around it about god made me actually think you knew him lol.

“ When shame keeps testing & get’s you guessing the game
Switch frames & just get the game guessing the same”

- That was amazing use of words. Mixing them up like that, that was great.

“Just when you think life taste’s delicious
You come to find out it’s been served on dirty dishes”

- Holy shit…that…damn!

Overall man, you always come great, this wasn’t one of your best pieces, but that doesn’t say much considering it was still amazing.


King of Theivez-
Alright, I’ll be blunt with this, don’t take offence to what I say, if anything try to learn from some of the points I have (that is, if you want to, if you don’t want to, that’s fine. Its up to you). Maybe its your style, the way you write, the way you form your verses, whatever, basically, I’m not really feeling you, but obviously some people like your way (since you got two votes).

“am I dead or just high...I can't really decide...
feelin' deprived of nutrition while my inner entity fliez...
doez my girl really love me or is she after my cash...
am I really the only nigga that gets to be tappin' that ass...”

- Ok, basically I found this to be a bad transition between different rhyme words, also their weren’t any internal rhyme’s or anything, so it didn’t sound right basically.


“sometimez I wonder if in this world if there could be more answerz than questionz...”

- The use of “if” made this line seem odd. Just the wording of it, the second “if” doesn’t really need to be there.

“why is the only light at the end of the tunnel a cop's flashlight that's chasing after me...”

- This was one of your better lines. Pretty good.

“why do I continue to try to climb the eternal mountain of time...”

- Good Metaphor.

“that's why I can slit my veinz and drink my ice when it's cold...”

- I didn’t get this really. Cold hearted? The word “ice” brings the illusion of ‘solid’, so I wasn’t to sure really what you meant.

“at night I say my prayerz to see if God answerz any of the questionz that I have rightfully asked...”

- This line almost doesn’t fit in, you didn’t give any foreshadowing towards it really. I mean, you didn’t really show you had a right to ask the questions…because since you haven’t got the answers, it seems you don’t have the right, cuz you haven’t been answered.



I felt Evolve had this, he came better in my opinion.
Overall you both did good, just Evolve did better.
Vote = Evolve

Thank you Bruk... i appreciate the break down too... some people just cant see what i really mean & why i use the words i do... but you do...

much appreciated... Peace

I alwayz thought that really decide and feelin' deprived rhymed...I guess it's cause I got a Brooklyn accent...

the 1st "if" wasn't supposed to be in there but my mouse fucks up on my sometimez so I end up typin' shit twice...

the drinkin' the ice from my veinz line means that I'm cold-blooded...

and you have a right to ask God any questionz when you pray...and if I have got the answerz then what'z the purpose of asking the question??????

win goes to King Of Theives.
Chin up, evolve, only pre season

[closed]

__________________
Life isn't a bitch...
she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis