with a wave of the hand rivers of blood ran rampant
just one commandment felled enemies scewered by sanctions
this man made Alexander the Great seem average
a field magician whose divisions allied with tactics
swept aside armies in a beat of hooves and arrows
like a towering cloud his presence was earths shadow
sunsets across his reign a reminder of wounds
the vast force smothered lanscapes of doomed
many religious and illiterate..but efficient killers read death
poised arrows tipped with suffocation to bleed breath
in a canter of dust townships were merely steppes of stone
on the thrones haphazard stairway littered with rogues
fearsome souls in abundance who faught in unisons image
driven by Temujis spirit they defined the meaning of Hades witness
great armies swarmed like hornets but his loyals froze them solid
cold eyes faught bowed heads plaudits with blak blizzard Siberian forrests
north hemispheres icy grasp diminished and molten
wars new southern pastures beckoned to be taken hostage
seizing regions by borders setting the record straight with agnostics
a trojan mind unleashing masterful plans for domination
at the heart of asia spreading hurricane wrath in bloods basement
a frame of hair hid the canvas of a savages veteran wrinkles
each one told a story of its own masquerading as simple…
unrivalled expansion roving from the Caspian Sea to Korea
a whirlwinds deathly storm whispered in crimes ear
so many fine hours of a legend unsurpassed by 800 years of crescents
lifes champion at 65 he slipped his steed and came second
on Chinese earth his infamous wisdom smashed thru deaths door
he'd shifted the threshold of icons angering carpenters of Thor
at times heavily outnumbered but never out witted
an exquisite hall of fame could be built with respect to his image
but his proportions of mythics would equal a building of infinte

Temujis feats conjure pictures of unimaginable gruel and deulers
translating Genghis Kahn..he was literally Universal Ruler

man this piece was fuckin tighter then an extra small thong on a nice round ass...

good meta's, great vocab, and it had good overall rhythm. Nice work.

dat shit was da shit keep it up mane!!



CTF(represent)

Reply like this again and i'll bann you. Moron. - Camarac

Good Work Fgee . .

i really liked everything about this peice, your flow was on point and your usage of words was amazing. The opener was dope, as was the finisher, overall this peice was enjoyable to read. Keep writing because ill be looking out for more peices.

If You Could Return The Favor:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=80973

FaZe²-

yo, this on some Epic shit here... lol...
Yo man, I'm feeling the worship... haha... just joking...
Yo I liked this... felt your concept, you was true to it, and kept it strong all the way through...
I was feeling that vocab... shit had flow...
I liked the length too... not too long, not too short...
Good shit man, keep droppin'

-1-

fgee good stuff, rhyme scheme was nice....multis were good..i liked the flow of everything....and the excellence of this piece overall..one of the better reads on this site.

good stuff, keep it up.

__________________
..Ghetto Essence..

proper breakdown anyone?

Shiznit's Thoughts:

As far as my perspectives on it. This piece was extraordinary. It started on defining a character of a brave centurion warrior then compared him to legendary battlers of history. The imagery regained a strong aura that made the piece very much intact. How the words are incorporated and used enhanced such a positive aspect of a true writing. A man of honor from thousands of years ago are described using comparisons of epic history...but as i see it... It can be rheotrical and made it possible to just describe a simple man getting through out of the wars thats coming through and from his life. The storm that circulates back and forth but still like a cactus standing firm not hesistating the wounds that caused him.

I am pretty much impressed of the deep terminology executed throughout. It had a very much incredible flow i followed from top to bottom. Reluctant Imagery surpassed mostly. Even settings were description-wise and its as if you can feel the sweat and the blood from the battle. Imagery made it possible.

Its kinda funny how some kids just let a good piece sweep away and just sayin..'its good'...'not bad'...'holla at my piece'. Its kinda annoying really. But i hope you enjoyed my retarded criticism.

A Piece not be wasted.

__________________
<br><br><center>- Shiznit -
- Tampons are still expensive -
- That's a Fact - </center>

thanks alot^
not really had my stuff broken down on RB in about 5 months lol
appreciated

thanks for viewing

ill mane.keep dat shit up.holla



CTF(represent)

feedback like that shud get u banned

IT was pretty good overall could have been betta tho

lmao^
fuck!

This was a tight piece...and an enjoyable read

The flow was good throughout and the vocab kept it complex with a really original topic(well i haven't seen it before)...I thought this was one of the better topics i seen while on rb...Your content kept it interesting and meaningful...Sorry theres nothing more helpful but i thought this honed on your imagery...

o
N
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