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Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio ![]() |
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Guest
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![]() IP:
yo, shes hididng somin deep down and i dont no what/
she be acting like shes aiight,all lies, see i can feel it in my gut/ yo no its funny i thought shes was the one,you know the one that id marry/ but all these deceptions and lies is too big a weight for any man to carry/ ive had enough now, im about to break, ive suck wid you all the way bitch, but what does it take/ forget it ill get over you/ well for a while i might be down thats true/ but it will pass along with our relation ship/ you make me so paranoid, i wanna jus unload this clip/ into which ever mother fucker that you bin riding dick/ you know what they call you, a HO, GODDAMN, you make me sick/ o well fuck it, i bet i didnt even mean shit to you/ just another step up in the ladder, a door way to pass through/ well im a tell you this now, i changed the lock/ i now what you want bitch, you aint ever again gonna get this cock/ it over, finished, you better bet we through/ although i can still feel my heartbeatin for you/ this boys love is no longer for you/ so go on slag me off and spread that shit/ cus at the end of the day you aint nutin but a bitch/ i no know you will probably be getting your bois to hate on me/ let em pick a fight, bitch try it, dont tempt me/ but no matter how hard i beat em ................................ i still feel empty/ ......I loved you, but i guess you never loved me.................../ all my emotions were bottled up, i wrote this rhyme to set them free/ let me no what you think....... thnx ..........D |
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Guest
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IP:
yo can i get some feed back on this...................
thnx ....................D |
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Word.
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IP:
It was a pretty good peice, but try to even out your lines so it flows better, try using some more multies to support the flow, your wordplay was ok, overall it was a pretty good peice, and if you get the chance can you drop some feedback on Me and Gene Pools peice called "Nice Guys Finish Last" Thanks.
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Guest
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IP:
yo thanks for that feed back
i appreciate it no really rites any feed back any more thnx ...........D |
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Banned for being stupid
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IP:
yo i thought it was pretty good, the flow could probably be elevated a little more, but it was ok. the vocab was aight, and the wordplay was good. keep postin and elevatin man, i enjoyed readin that.
yo if u have the time can u check out my post? http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=81167 thanx |
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Guest
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IP:
yo i no you offline but thnx for the coment
you postr wasnt to bad either keep it up .............D |
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Guest
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IP:
yo uppin fo input
much appreciated ...........................D |
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Guest
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IP:
aight... the subject was deep, and I liked it...
but your stucture was throwed and your flow was off an on at times.... your wordplay was ok, and your vocab was good... overall it was a good peice, just keep on posting and try to even your bars dawg... A.T. can you hit up my post... heres the link: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=81294 |
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Retired.
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IP:
Work on flow...
Other aspects were pretty good... Nice piece... Keep writing... You have room to elevate... Peep Huh? ft Chrit |
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Guest
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IP:
it was aight.keep spittin tho and work on da flow.holla
CTF(represent) |
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Guest
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IP:
thnx for the feed back yall
much appriciated |
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