quick ey style
Lookin for comments..an shit

gotta slight-need fa weed, u can find-me in the streets-of-sj//
fuck wit sircut and u lucky to keep-ya-chest-plate//
u can eat-my-tech-frame, pull one fo a homicide//
ima a sergeon on-the-mic//
rate "higher" than other mc's like im "off-the-pipe"//
gotta 50 cal on-the-side of my h-i-p//
u can take-my-heat but u cant take-my-d//
u fuckin wit the wrong-cat//
i bomb-raps to ya sector to make batter contact//
its a long-track to walk in this part-of-the-town//
wit that big mouth u should start-fa-the-ground//
ima start sparkin-them-rounds into-ya-face//
get off the track, u aint have a chance to finish-the-race//
u been-a-disgrace fa a long-time-runnin//
i got-nines-pumpin through ya flesh-and-meat//
hit ya chest-wit-heat//
then its game over, next time dont mess-wit-me//
but fa now dogg, rest-in-piece//

cats is scared-of-this, i dotn think you aware-of-this/
get get bombs dropped on u like u was harborin terrorists/
and we cant talk it out, this shits way past-discussion/
have-to-bust-him, blow him up like weapons of mass-distruction/
you lackin-substance, not tha king-of-these-boards/
cuz ya writtens all sloppy like ya fingers-got-bored/
this catz-not, what he claims to be, get his ass-shot/
wit more G'z in the briefcase than wax-got/
honestly, tha thought of these MC's bombin-me/
is comedy, you'll find a "W" tha same place where osama-be/
who-knows?? cuz ya shits got too many loop-holes/
rapin em all like child molestors in group-homes

i thought this was tight for anewbie,good multis although a few of them seemed forced,im not much into tha gansta rap style but it was aiight,vocab was tight, wordplay was aiight,rhyme scheme was average,all in all a good spit,keep droppin tha hotness.~1~

thanks for da comments......yea well u shud bump sum underground shit
lynch
x raided a wax luni niki
c bo meezy marv..thats rapp rite dere

hmm...
ok...
while i agree with D.S.
the vocab seemed forced, the flow was half assed

ima start sparkin-them-rounds into-ya-face//
get off the track, u aint have a chance to finish-the-race//

that line while it rhymed was a prime example... didnt say anything special, topic was not applical and thats what i look for, sticking to themes..

you say your a vet, then show me some vet work
p.s. you are better than me by the way

if you would be so kind
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=81183

Yeah this peice was pretty good, you had some good multies, and your wordplay was alright, your vocab was good, flow was alright but try to even out your lines so it flows better, but it was good, if you get the chance leave some feedback on me and Gene Pools peice called "nice guys finish last" thanks.

^^ it looks lik his a newb..he cna tproduce vet work
bu he came pretty clean for a freestyl keytylin it
not bad sum good ass mulites an shit u got potentiol kid u wanna battle

so i take it as u are scared huh