Dark nights spark life and love is found there
Hearts like the park wife and no1 around cares
But some are bound they're destined for better
Pretty with brown hair accepttin' the letter
One pair of clothes worn down sweater makin' a livin'
Hittin' rundown buildin' in frowned weather life takin' from children
Breakin' civilians Tryna make that quick buck The top dollar
Sacred chameleons Hit the block But go to work Popped collar
The block baller gettin' his money right No complaints
Two shots holler But still she gives up No restraints
No mistakes Some see her as a good girl gone bad
No estates Talkin' to herself "Why are you gone dad?"
Wrong Sad Sittin' up late nights all alone cryin'
Long Sagged Givin' up now But was once known for tryin
But theres no denyin' That the route she's on now she can't turn back
Life slow Retirin' Lost so many essentials that she can't earn back
A burned back But doesn't show it It's hard to make the green
She learned that So now there's two men She's somewhere in between

That was pretty nice Ment... Nice imagery & it flowed well...Not bad

i was feelin that, it had great flow, and the content and topic were both original. like ^^ he said it had great imagery. the wordplay and vocab were also nice as well. overall that was a good post, keep postin man i enjoyed readin that.

yo can u hit me post up if u have the time?
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=82558
thanx

peace.....

yeah this was a good peice, a good read as well, you had good content, and your flow was good, your wordplay was good also, and you had good vocab, overall id say it was a good peice, keep dropping.

Thanks for the replies...They appreciated...More?

Uppin' for some more feedback...Peace

"Dark nights spark life and love is found there
Hearts like the park wife and no1 around cares"
Strong opening... shit flows nicely and shows imagery....
and the rest of the post is pretty much like this... good shit...
Post was nice and short.... and it don't suddenly stop like you didn't have time to finish it or something...it concludes well man...

-1-

Not bad my man, you got into the topic nicely, pretty decent imagery, flow was ok, you worked a couple multi's into the piece nicely, it could use a couple internals to hold the readers attention a little more, but good emotion shown in this, flow was decent for the most part, all in all not a bad drop.

You've got potential.

__________________
W o r d P e r f e c t

Good look...I appreciate the feedback...Peace

Uppin' again...

This Was A Dope Piece.........Good Use Of Imagery.....Dope Ass Multi's.......Your Structure Was Solid.......The Delivery Of Flow Was On Point.....SO This Was An Overall Good Piece...

8.0/10.0

one word...

dope.

Uppin one more time...Peace