Restless at night Can't sleep But I dream in the day
Breathless from fright Hands weak You never seen it my way
The pheonix'll play But I don't want to Cuz I envy his wings
It's a known fact that grudges haunt you So my enemies sing
If I got a penny for things I thought I'd most likely be rich
I threw my dreams away Ther weren't caught Real life's my wifey A bitch
She didn't like me She ditched So now I try to escape
But I can't So I wait If only I had wings Or even a cape
I feed from the bait But I'm still hungry Cuz it's from reality
Sometimes I wanna jump without the bungee Tired of Burger King and AppleBees
You never heard of me A casualty With deep thoughts on my head
Some dreams are realer than actuality They leave spots on my bed
Plots are misread Im tired of being at ground level Different deceptions
If only wings could be hired I could see from a distant perception
The question If Only I could fly Without missin' the plot
If I could fly Shit I'd probably wish I could walk......

Uppin'...Can I get some replies?

this was actually alright my man
at first glance i didnt think it was very good...but it was decent
flowed well thru the most part and was short but enjoyable


Restless at night Can't sleep But I dream in the day
Breathless from fright Hands weak You never seen it my way
^sets the tone..decent opener
The pheonix'll play But I don't want to Cuz I envy his wings
It's a known fact that grudges haunt you So my enemies sing
^..liked the imagery here
If I got a penny for things I thought I'd most likely be rich
I threw my dreams away Ther weren't caught Real life's my wifey A bitch
^..liked the first line..second didnt seem to flow very well.chopped the flow
She didn't like me She ditched So now I try to escape
But I can't So I wait If only I had wings Or even a cape
^...avergae line..didntreally create an impact
I feed from the bait But I'm still hungry Cuz it's from reality
Sometimes I wanna jump without the bungee Tired of Burger King and AppleBees
^hmm...seem to have gone off track...maybe i just dont understand it
You never heard of me A casualty With deep thoughts on my head
Some dreams are realer than actuality They leave spots on my bed
^i thought that was funny...maybe it wasnt meant to be
Plots are misread Im tired of being at ground level Different deceptions
If only wings could be hired I could see from a distant perception
^good bit of thought provoking
The question If Only I could fly Without missin' the plot
If I could fly Shit I'd probably wish I could walk......
^yeh u always want what u cant have or cant do kinda thing..good ender

still room for improvement.mainly in the vocab and flow areas

Werd...It might seem weird but it's basically about "flyin" away from reality...and the "regular" so to say...Nah mean...Tryna fly towards dreams and shit...Then thinkin' bout gettin' there and wishin' you could go back...Might be complicatin' tho...Wasn't meant to be...Thanks for the feedback...Peace

This Was A Good Piece.....Good Structure......FLowed Very Well.....Good Imagery Once Again.....Keep Postin Fam'

Dope. PzZz.

Yeah this was a good piece, good read as well, it flowed pretty well, you had good vocab, and your structure was good i thought, good content also, overall good piece, keep dropping, and check out me and Gene Pools keystyle if you get the chance, thanks.

Yo as u mentioned what it was actually about it helps with the read,it flowed well i thought,i liked the way u sorta controdicted what u were spittin which was inbventive,vocab was descent but it lacked a lil in wordplay and imagery but it was a worthwhile read.

Peace

Good peice man, I really liked the topic, your imagery really made it feel like I was in the peice and that is what I think makes an open mic good, something that puts me in the position of w/e ur writing about, good work mentill, cheak out my open mic. . .

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=82991

Uppin' one more time...Peace

good drop here kid
flow was good...could have been a notch better
same with vocab...
multies were there but simple... try some internals
im not saying this was a bad drop, just pointing out where you need to be looking

if you would be so kind
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...?threadid=83050