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Old 10-02-03, 05:01 PM   #1
Romulus
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From: Mic+Addict
-Dope Topical Open Mic-

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Topic: Starving

chours:
its know for some killing,but consume lyrics,cuz there edible like filling
enough power to turn worlds upside down,and make kids heads fall to the ceilings
strives to late,to move on,but how do u when u cant even eat enough to burn strengh
why are some people blessed,its not about color all people denie hunger,its not a concer race

some place some were,kids eat kids share,some selfish some not
why are some kids able to hold food,but some not even able to see the pot
its not about race,i guess its the way god deals hands to all
some kids starve,but i wonder how do u eat,if u dont even have hands at all
seen kids over weight,how come some kids dont even have money to live
but then theres some like bill gates,whos got enough money to feed hundreds of kids
why can kids in china,try to gain wait,but some kids strive to live another day
i all thought it was about responsabilty,but i guess it is all about race

chours:
its know for some killing,but consume lyrics,cuz there edible like filling
enough power to turn worlds upside down,and make kids heads fall to the ceilings
strives to late,to move on,but how do u when u cant even eat enough to burn strengh
why are some people blessed,its not about color all people denie hunger,its not a concer race
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<center>Mike Albin</center><center>Oct 31,2003 Rest.In.Peace.Homie</center>

<center>Derek Raposa</center><center>Oct 31,2003 R.I.P.H</center><center>Your Both Missed Greatly..1 Luv</center>
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Old 10-02-03, 05:05 PM   #2
ILLunatic
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Tight Shit Homie.....
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Old 10-02-03, 05:07 PM   #3
pot1ent
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O'kay O'kay

This is what you done well...You dropped your thoughts directly and that must of meant alot to you...I heard what you was saying

I think your vocab fell of a bit...You repeated the same rhyme twice in such a small amount of text.. : )

Next time i'd like to see you write a bit more, I think it would make it that much better because your thoughts and ideas would be dropped more clearly

Pz...
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Old 10-02-03, 05:36 PM   #4
.::D-Eff3kt::.
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....> Was Str8...But Your Rhyming Scheme Was Real Ovious <...







~>eZ<~
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Old 10-02-03, 05:50 PM   #5
Menik
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Yeah this was a pretty good piece i thought, it made a good read as well, it flowed pretty well through out the piece, your vocab was pretty good too, your content was good as well, overall id say it was a good piece, keep dropping.
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Old 10-02-03, 05:57 PM   #6
ThaUnForGottin
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yup a good piece but the rhyme scheme was basic kick it up a knotch ya feel
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Old 10-02-03, 06:10 PM   #7
Formula
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Nice piece dog, for real. Stayed on the Starving topic and it flowed well. Up vocab a bit ( dunno how it is seeing as how this the first piece i've read from you) and extend the shit a lil bit more next time. Was still tight tho.

seen kids over weight,how come some kids dont even have money to live

^^ Thas real
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