yo i can't sleep cuz i'm too hungry, but i cant get myself to eat when all i've face was defeat, like a poem that's deep inside of you, you creep and try to hide everything inside, but when you get on the flip side you wish your shoes were tied, instead they hangin and you end up bruised, you say to hell wit these shoes! never enjoyed walkin in them anyway, you turn around now, wait until you get into my shoes one day, when you trip then bruise, look me in the eye and let me see if you have anything else to say, lesson learn to never grab what you just cant have, too damn bad no one sees the sadness within me, i use my quickness to hide this sickness i possess, sometimes i think if i were better of dead, so that my parents may lay me to rest for life, so i can get all of this shit off of my chest, this test is too hard for me to take jesus, i'm supposed to be normal? why is it sometimes i wake up from these seizures? sometimes i wish you would just take my life away cuz i have nothin to live for, you know i love my family so give me the capabilty to give more, they deserve this life more than i do, heavenly father i'm sorry that i have failed you! [gunshot]

need feedback yall.. and just to let yall know i just tried my best to get into a child's mind that can't enjoy life as long as we can.. so whether yallz feedback be bad or good.. they all apreciated.. thanks again yall.. holla at ya boy! 1!

use puncuations holmes break ya bars up lol other then that nice pice

ay thanks bruh.. but that's just the way i do it.. breakin it in bars just makes it more difficult.. but good lookin out bruh.. 1!

yeah it was a pretty good piece, it made a good read, it flowed pretty well through out the piece, just put your lines under each other to make it not as bunched up, but other than that it was a good piece, keep dropping.

yea it would be easier to read if it was structured better like in poem for n wit bars but overall nice drop.....*propz*

n Sintext how do u get the werd to move across your sig i tried the code but it aint work haha help me out

a yall good lookin out on the feedback fellaz! but like i said before.. breakin my style to bars would just make it all difficult.. plus its my style na'mean? but i thank yall for the good feedback.. feel like i'm elevatin already.. 1!

pretty descent man...
I could see the skill here, but damm...
you should structure this a bit differently...
It's a bit hard to catch the rhyme sometimes....
anyways man...
like I said, pretty decent, flow was ok, concept was interesting, vocab wasn't all that... lol... I'm out man...

-1-

good lookin out all of you.. good lookin out Alias-C.. but as you can already tell.. i'm really new at all this.. i really would appreciate it if someone could show me the ropes.. and the reason why i lay it out the way i do.. its because i like to rap my things fast.. so try readin it fast.. it really helps.. but good lookin out fellaz! 1!