Going 'gainst me feels like the year's 1965|
Ninety niggas die when nine to sixty five shells hit you by surprise|
Dead body flies thru the air like the enterprise|
At warp speeds across fields, da renegade 'cross beams'|
Like 'Ghost busters'....no folk trust us|
Gunfire circle ma victims like four vultures| (get it?)
Skull ruptures, fingers chopped off, and the four of us|
Who survived will "remember" death like "lost lovers"|
...Artillery shells - rip em to shreds - strippin they heads|
Exposin their thoughts when they're brains be hanging from threads|
Of what remains of their vertebrae column|
Let the weapon spray stall em, if they not awake~rob em|
Retrieving more ammunition for the battles predicted|
Ancient prophet's visions revealed the missions verdict and|
....I was told and sent from the abyss|
Where the beast lives to released sins of past deceased kings|
This aint a war, this is is the armageddon|
Da Renegade motherfucka, (pop~pop! pop-pop!) Get em|

dat was tight

keep workin on ya shit nigga

get ur record up and holla at me

Yeah this was a pretty good piece, it made a good read, it flowed pretty well through out the piece i thought, you had good content, vocab was good too, overall it was a pretty good piece, keep dropping.

thats pretty good



i think this is wot the black version of eminem wud say

yeah nice piece nigga. keep elevatin and get some wins. nice spit nigga

The lines themselves were tight....

keep up that... i got a freestyle feel from this though...

what i mean is some lines rhymed well internally but had no real function otherwise.... ex. "At warp speeds across fields, da renegade 'cross beams'"

this line did not rhyme with the previous or following lines...

ya feel?

{Peace}

__________________

I kno it didnt rhyme with the last line, if u listen to lots of rappers, not every line has to rhyme u can have it like this

abcd
abcd
efgh
efg-j >>>> rhyme pattern changes
klmn
klmn

lolol hope u got that, but thnx to all who took time and peep this and gave props

much luv

'black eminem lol' i take it as a compliment, he's one of my favorites really

along wit 2pac, biggie, and da rest

uppin for more feedback

and btw there is no fillers in my verse

'dead bodies flies' -> result of a grenade explosion

'at warp speeds across fields' -> follows up from 'enterprise'

The Star Trek Enterprise can travel at warp speeds

all that line is saying

explosions from the mines and grenades or wuteva send dead bodies flying thru the air across the battle FIELD at "high speeds"

dont just browse my verse, think before u respond, i dont put shit just to rhyme

uppin this fore feedback

I really liked this piece. The mets were are that. I was feelin the flow and it had great content.

Best Line -

Going 'gainst me feels like the year's 1965|
Ninety niggas die when nine to sixty five shells hit you by surprise|
^^^^^^ This was a great opener and kicked the whole shit off
peep my shit
~1~

uppin for more feedback

uppin dis for more feedback

come on yall dont sleep on this shit

this was a good consistent drop....wordplay and content wise...

i think the structure needs to be a lil tighter...and that will help the flow get much more consistent...but it was a nice drop....

i liked:

...Artillery shells - rip em to shreds - strippin they heads|
Exposin their thoughts when they're brains be hanging from threads|
Of what remains of their vertebrae column|
Let the weapon spray stall em, if they not awake~rob em|

keep em comin....

thnx fo da feedback can i get a few more?