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Old 10-09-03, 11:11 AM   #1
Provoked Images
Just call me your Savior
 
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Posts: 631
From: Tha heart of tha devil
random thoughts, yet it is a poem

IP:

come, with those words of power you stated you owned
i will break them

you cannot walk on the thin line known as sanity
unless you've already lost it

i've seen such a time when a man cannot look in the mirror
for it scares him

a ways away from reality seems so much closer
everytime you draw a breath

so let us spin around to see ourselves face to face
with a man and no future

we combine what we know with the darkness of the path we have chosen
let it come

i am ready for anything, from the death's game
to the angel's jokes

let us not look at each other with a wide eye of terror
but rather

let us look at each other with a wide eye of wonder
and let us continue

if we lose that is just one more hurdle needing to be overcome
but it reaches so high

i find myself pondering the truth i was told
and it disappeared

come back to me

my spirit

my mind

my soul



my life...
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Old 10-09-03, 12:15 PM   #2
HazY.B
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From: Vancouver Washington
IP:

i am ready for anything, from the death's game
to the angel's jokes

I found that amusing^
i never really thoght of angesl playing jokes before is your thought that they are playing them upon themselves or upon the people they are guarding or to society in general?
id really like to kno your insight

on teh rest of the poem yes your right it wa random thoughts and teh rack was jumpy
id suggest PICKING ONE of those thoughts and elabotating on it for your next peice

hazy
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Old 10-09-03, 06:58 PM   #3
Twiztid_chick69
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IP:

this was an ok piece...choppy and well the structure was..erm..odd? lol well, i think you would be good if u take hazy's advice and pick one to write on...keep it up

peAce
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Old 10-10-03, 12:34 AM   #4
The Necromancer
Atra Ludio or Hip-Hop?
 
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From: Cottage Grove, Oregon
IP:

Heh...I loved this peice. Mostly because I find myself writing peices like this quite a bit. Seemingly nonsensical but always thought provoking, twisting the nether regions of the mind from chaos to order in order to understand and comprehand.

Problem with poems like these is that they can be quite disposable to someone with little attention span. But luckfully you cut it off at the right point before things start drifting way too far.

~Islam~
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Old 10-10-03, 07:17 PM   #5
evilbombsquad
..terror walks again..
 
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From: sumwhere else?
IP:

^^^ i kinda agree with this guys reply, but i see it as lifes is simpily what ya make of it. this stuff was deep, though like a cleansing of the Soul. Good Stuff stay up wit ya skillz and devlope moe.

peAce
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