yo! call me the new guy that's one on a new rise
to terrorize the franchise
put here to shake these queres ears and open your eyes
to a place where everybody flies
where everbody get's high to the point where still nobody can die
lose yourself, you either lose your wealth
or you lose your health
look'n for a gun to pull off the shelf
but enough with this spiritual bullshit
let me introduce myself....for those that don't know
i'm Jimmy the nuscence
give'n these people a new since with new shit
they can use with what they don't have left to spit
a sydistic, sick villan that's willen
to start drillen
a million bitches that's hooked on penasillin
fillen the hoes holes up full of nothin but seamon
dream'n i was fuck'n christina
till she wasn't able to do no more sing'n
oh! now they say'n that Jimmys been drink'n
why cause i'm steady linger'n,
stumble'n over potholes and fiend'n
for more hoes for skeet'n, for more dro for cheef'n
so what if i'm a attic, i lived in a attic and still at it
i'm still matic,
i still have it to start blast'n at any fagget in traffic
and i'm still crazy, and still able to convence any lady
to have 10 of my babies, act'n shady
and when i'm done i'm act'n like shady
and slapp'n this bitch Katy
till she summons the underworld Hades
i'm still runn'n and i ain't stopp'n for nothin
with a shot gun pump, pump'n it up like Joe Budden

aight for a newb ur ok, but let me say this as nice as i can....UR WACK AS FUCK!!! no im just playin, u need to make ur structure more complex, try and include internal rhymes, u definetely need to elevate drastically on ur vocab and wordplay, try and include more multis. ur flow fell off throughout most of the post, and next time try and pick a topic not so gay. u have potential so keep at it.

peace....

damn! i thought you were serious for a minute but i see where you're coming from, appreciate it!

Yeah i agree...not too bad for a newb...pretty much everything that was said before....but try to keep your lines the same length, so it helps the structure and flow...but just keep at it..keep elevating...and keep dropping and you will get better.

ok, you got some work to do....your flow needs work, working on your structure will help...try and get the lines yo be around the same length...vocab needs to be upped...you could try adding some multies to help with your flow...also a couple of your lines sounded like stuff i've heard from d12/eminem before....
like.... and i'm still crazy, and still able to convence any lady
to have 10 of my babies, act'n shady ....

anyways keep dropping, you'll get better the more you write....just keep at it....