The other two pieces are kinda old but this piece I just wrote
yesterday so I would really like some feedback.


I can't remember when life was easy,
I can't remember when life left me.
I've been dead for quite some time.
My body still here, but my soul they can't find.
Walk around with nothing inside my head,
Open my eyes, feel the tears I can't shed.
The bills piled up, depression set in.
Why, oh why did this happen again.
Thought I was in the clear, it was just another game,
I just became happy, and now it's the same.
Chop off my hair, this reality still mine.
Life isn't fair, I slept through my prime.
All I think are wicked, wicked thoughts,
About me and my parents , about how we fought.
Seeing my past clearly, through a naked glass.
I can't look away, body broken a glued to a cast.
The friends I've lost, The family I mourn,
I just can't rest my insides are torn.
I smile everyday just knowing that its fake,
Inside I'm not smiling, how much can I take?
If a snake bit me, I would not die.
Completely numb now, my life was a lie.
If I could start all over I'd try to fly straight,
Still it would get me I know thats my fate.
People still hurt me, and I still cry,
I have been looking but I can't find out why.
The end will come sometime, maybe this year.
But I am not here, so I've nothing to fear.

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<BR><h3><color=black><center><MARQUEE BEHAVIOR=scroll DIRECTION=left LOOP=infinite scrollamount=1 width=300>*~*~*Lady Wun*~*~*</MARQUEE></color></center></h3>
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<BR><MARQUEE BEHAVIOR=scroll DIRECTION=up LOOP=infinite scrollamount=1 height=100> <center><font color=000000><I>*~*~*~*~*</p>I'm invisible to the unseen eye</p>I'm undeniable strength</p>*~*~*~*~*~*</p>Merk Squad</MARQUEE></center><I>

DAmn this was deep and very sad 2 read. i could feel ya expression threw each line. ya flow did keep me going line from line and i was shocked how ya cept ya flow soild, while maintain such a deep train of thought. ether or Good STuff none the less, so stay up with this and appreciatte good times

peAce

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the one that watches the watchmen:

tight piece girl, tight imagery, tight vocab, on point,flowed well, structured well, and it went perfect with tha beat family business by tha fugees. all in all nice drop ma,keep droppin tha hotness.~1~

Nice writing ladywun. This is a reality for most of us. I have the same problems and I cant deal with them sometimes so I deal with them as they come. Keep writing lady. Look forward and reading more from you.

MM

Indeed, the theme here is most likely familiar to us all on some level.. But you wrote it well LadyWun.. Great expression, I could really relate to the feeling of 'not being here'..
Like, life becomes just a motion, and we are just a shell of existence within it.. doing the actions, but not living it.
You had great opening lines-

I can't remember when life left me.
I've been dead for quite some time.

I loved this.. and I loved the ending also-

The end will come sometime, maybe this year.
But I am not here, so I've nothing to fear.

So true, if we have lost everything, and have nothing, there is nothing to fear... we are completely stripped, left bare.

Seems like you need to make Peace with these issues still, and I wish you the best of luck with that. Keep writing. Kudos~

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thank you all, who doesnt still have issues but that is what makes
me write well. saddness sells. the public never want to see
people who are happy, because they watch shows and movies
to feel better about their own life.

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<BR><h3><color=black><center><MARQUEE BEHAVIOR=scroll DIRECTION=left LOOP=infinite scrollamount=1 width=300>*~*~*Lady Wun*~*~*</MARQUEE></color></center></h3>
<BR>
<BR><MARQUEE BEHAVIOR=scroll DIRECTION=up LOOP=infinite scrollamount=1 height=100> <center><font color=000000><I>*~*~*~*~*</p>I'm invisible to the unseen eye</p>I'm undeniable strength</p>*~*~*~*~*~*</p>Merk Squad</MARQUEE></center><I>

you are a good writer indeed
I enjoyed reading your work!

keep it commin'

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"Fuck Y'all Hataz."

</center>

thank you all very much everyone likes to be told they dont
suck lmao

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<BR><h3><color=black><center><MARQUEE BEHAVIOR=scroll DIRECTION=left LOOP=infinite scrollamount=1 width=300>*~*~*Lady Wun*~*~*</MARQUEE></color></center></h3>
<BR>
<BR><MARQUEE BEHAVIOR=scroll DIRECTION=up LOOP=infinite scrollamount=1 height=100> <center><font color=000000><I>*~*~*~*~*</p>I'm invisible to the unseen eye</p>I'm undeniable strength</p>*~*~*~*~*~*</p>Merk Squad</MARQUEE></center><I>