Stole your girlfriend, beat your ass down
Wonna fight me again, your a joke..clown
Listenen ta punk music yet u claim uz a thug
Remember the last time i made you vision blood

First an far most you should head for the hills im comen atcha
Bout ta blast off like a speedin bullet right to your head..kill ya
Remember my fist your lips an the blood around your face kid
Heard you wonna comite suicide, im santa an i no where you live
Your wish is coming soon now straight down ya chimney son
Im'a slit ya throat wit'a tooth pick so you can live ta choke an die
No need to act surprised when you realize you wonna be alive
Talking shit was stupid god even said fuk em make em parilized
Bullshits been flowin harder then saint lawrance river after rain
You were vulnerable so im killin you cuz some1 gota b entertained
Yet suicides just one way out there still a million other ways
Thinking i could possibly shoot you an splat out your brains
Stole your girlfriend had you crying tears of grief an reminicing
About your old life but now you realize wutchu missing
Horrible because you got your self ina position of you an death
Damn, you an me bioligy, u the test im gunna cut ya open..disect
Spread your body parts all round to your family to create remorce
The day you meet me face to face is the day i see my first corpse
Gay ass, I heard about you and your friend Pk kissing eachother
Jelous cuz kristy yet seems to me you already found another lover
Testical suckin Ass Fucking dick jerking homosexual fagget
Disapointed insecurities of your ass acumilating diseased magets
Off your boyfriends ass hole, Having homesexual rituals
Up on your bed, wit pk down bobbing his head for dick particles
Treat my visions of your blood all over the cealed area
Head rolling down the road cuz broken jack in the box suits ya

Fuckin bullshit clowns..im tired of punks acting like they can talk shit..specially this one in my town...fuck you poser ass fuk...

Now now little boy dont come around where it aint safe ta go
Mommy said stay out'a hot water you said i can handle the flow
But bitch i aint slow im'a mother fucking title wave wit undertoe
Crazy thinknig you can destroy my reputation in this community
Frustrated an angry i cant believe im in this situation or opertunity
Created me to leave you in'a state of humiliation and insecurity
Its war now bitch be equipped for shit similer to mustard gas
Franquently im harder then your dick wen ya see a dudz bare ass
This may have been an accedent but sorry you die in this crash
Who wud'a thought you tall mu'fucker i cud put you in'a submision
To leave you like a bitch on prome night in no way of a comition
Possibly you could react but you cant handle any intarigation
Okay, so your scared to come out at night i getcha phobia
Regardless if dont feel safe you started this parinobia
The shit you said cold, but im coldeder feel my hyperthermia
Im about to erupt, baby boy what the fuck is up your bluff
I heard you aint getting out half as much had enough?
Dont push me clown or you bring dead gunna be the result
See you around bitch dont exspect ta keep feelin ya pulse
Feeling like i should prove me killing you is'a fasinating art
Bloods my only vision, heres a song right through your heart



-trying to get into more depth desriptions of a diss track...any help would be much apreciated-

__________________
Open Mics
The Weathers Art
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673
My Teenage Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850
Secluded
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851
Open Your Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461

it was okay.........okay flow, elevate on yer vocab, multis missing

and it was just an average drop to me

7/10



you need to spice up yer verses, and dont use that Santa line again

and i wonder, did u say this shit in his face? or your the kinda guy who wanna sound hard by talking shit about someone on the net cuz u cant do anything about in real life????/


dont see da point of postin this up

yup lol....alright feed back wud be apreciated...specially from a vet or something thanks...peace

__________________
Open Mics
The Weathers Art
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673
My Teenage Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850
Secluded
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851
Open Your Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461

yeah the flow was pretty good overall but u need better vocab and multis to upgrade yo flows to elevate and all but i see potential in your flows

better vocab and multis is all you need to make that flow better
<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>

im not much on multies but the vocablacked a lil but this wasnt a bad peace by any means people critiqued your bad nowe time for good your flow was on content was tstrong and descriptive lines where there thi over all was a good read.

it was straight dog but like i said before flow is nuthin without multis but you can be raw cause my record 0 and 4 and i should not be look at some of my stuff

__________________
MAC4LIFE, M.multis A.authority C.commitment,MFL
Pacaso mac the Baskin Robbins Street(hustla tryin to scoop up this ice and cream)

thanks ye all, i'll try to come up with some multies an such for this piece an re do it, then drop it an then make it better lol peace

__________________
Open Mics
The Weathers Art
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673
My Teenage Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850
Secluded
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851
Open Your Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461

it was aite... when i read it i found myself wandering off.. the topic was somewhat okay.. and ur flow wasnt too strong.. i could feel the hits but it seem like they werent stinging... still the vocab was nice.. structure got better throughout the flow and like everyone said... multis can heighten skills... keep elevatin and good drop.

fav lines
==============================================
Remember my fist your lips an the blood around your face kid
Heard you wonna comite suicide, im santa an i no where you live
==============================================
man.. lol shits not all dope but it made me smile... one.

thanks man but like i said its my first attempt at summin like this...im still trying to get away frm real topics an coming off with things that can creat imaginary shit...so i figured this would be a good way to start...but thanks for your feed..peace

__________________
Open Mics
The Weathers Art
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673
My Teenage Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850
Secluded
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851
Open Your Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461