Kay This Is My First Poetry Drop..


Haven’t Heard Your Voice In A
Year. Should I Say Something
Do I Dare? My Love Is Always There,
Too Bad You Are Never Here.
You Can’t Figure Out How Much
I Miss You. I Miss The Feelings
We Shared Together, I Thought
Our Love Would Be Forever. But
Now My Soul Is Desolate And Bare.
We Have Been Apart For Awhile, But
My Feelings Extend For Miles. I Wish
I Never Made The Mistake, To Leave You
That Day. So Responsibility Is What
I Take. Just Hope One Day You Will
Hold Me In Your Arms, And Tell
Me Everything Is All Right Then Forgive
Me. Or Shall Darkness Be My Eternal Destiny.

Female:
It Has Been A Year Since The Accident. I
Still Live My Life In Panic. Still Hear The
Gun Shots Roar. Feel Their Impact Bounce
Off The Door. I Saw The Horror When You
Shook And Dropped. And At That Moment
Our Life Just Stopped. I Had To Cope With
Your Decision. So For That I Am Missing.
I Told You Never To Leave Me. To Call If
You Ever Did Need Me. I Was There For
SupportNow I Have To Identify The Autopsy
Report. They Say It Was An Accident. I Know
Different. A Drug Deal Gone Wrong. Now
I Hear My Sad Song. Our Song. Of Course
I Will Always Miss You. This Will Never
Change Not A Chance. So Please Come
Back And Let's Have One Last Dance.

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That was one of the most amazing poems I have ever readddddd Oh my!

The guy still loved the girl and his love didnt die...

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"Fuck Y'all Hataz."

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*sheds a tear*
this hit me here man *points to heart*

so yea.. this was deep and well done
you messed up when you posted the females part... just a visual problem

thats about the only bad thing...
good 1st time...my 1st poety still has no replies
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=80543

it was good for your first poem, as for the structure it was good
you cant really base structure on certain things because everyone
has their own style. but i agree that you truely messed on the
female thing. the content wasnt that bad, but on a lot of parts
sentences just dont fit together, you should just try to revise or
get on a messenger w/ someone and revise, because usually
poems just need a little cleaning. Also revising with a female
she can help you on the female point of view. Some words dont
rhyme and some sentences are uneven. Try to keep them as
even with the syllables as possible. That way people can follow
much easier. All in all a good read. Keep Writing.

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<BR><h3><color=black><center><MARQUEE BEHAVIOR=scroll DIRECTION=left LOOP=infinite scrollamount=1 width=300>*~*~*Lady Wun*~*~*</MARQUEE></color></center></h3>
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<BR><MARQUEE BEHAVIOR=scroll DIRECTION=up LOOP=infinite scrollamount=1 height=100> <center><font color=000000><I>*~*~*~*~*</p>I'm invisible to the unseen eye</p>I'm undeniable strength</p>*~*~*~*~*~*</p>Merk Squad</MARQUEE></center><I>

deep stuff, heart felt emotion.....................................enjoye d this

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sigs are for herbs...Thats why I got one!

Great drop. Emotion was felt deeply and everything spoke was inerperated. Everyone does there own thing and this was great, spect JT

uppin

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amazing piece, emotion was felt... nice drop... you got it all right and I could definitely relate to it (I lost a friend of mine only a half a year ago). Keep dropping, much respected.

peace