Final Version of This Song..


Saw My Love Through Your Eyes
Realized All You Told Was Lies
I Didn’t Know A Man Would Ever Cry
But When I See You I Want To Die

Saw My Love Through Your Eyes
Realized All You Told Was Lies
I Didn’t Know A Man Would Ever Cry
But When I See You I Want To Die

Never Call Back Making Our Future Seem Like A Lost Fact//
Always There For You Cuz Love Is Something I Never Lacked//
Just Look The The Past.. What About A Few Weeks Ago//
All We Had Was High's Now We're Just Riding On Lows//
If I Could Rap To A Beat I Would Make Sure It Was Slow//
Feel My Words Of Forgiveness I'm Not Just Your Regular Joe//
What Happened To Us? We Had Love Now Look At Us//
Now It Seems Just Trying To Hang Out With You Is A Cuss//
I Call When I Know Your Away Just To Hear Your Voices Sweet Tune//
Just Hoping One Day It Will Be Back To Say I Love You//

Saw My Love Through Your Eyes
Realized All You Told Was Lies
I Didn’t Know A Man Would Ever Cry
But When I See You I Want To Die

Never Thought That You Would Ever Be Dismal And Bleak//
You Said Don’t Look Til I’m Ready.. But I Always Peeked//
How Could I Avoid God’s Miraculous Creature//
From The Face To The Toe’s Hell Every Feature//
Oh How I Would Of Treated Ya If You Were To Wait//
It’s Miraculous How I Swear Were Bound By Fate//
I Spit To Show My Heart Just Not To Get A Date//
When I’m With You Everything Else Just Stands Still//
I’d Still Remember You Even If I Blew Up And Sold A Mill//
You Have Left Footprints On My Lifeline//
So In A Sense You Will Always Be Close To Mine//

Saw My Love Through Your Eyes
Realized All You Told Was Lies
I Didn’t Know A Man Would Ever Cry
But When I See You I Want To Die

Now I Know What Is Pain, Always Passing Through The Rain//
I’m The Only One Left To Blame For This Pain I Disdain//
She Was Never Good For Me, Why Couldn’t I See Shit Clearly//
Is There True Love For Everyone.. I Always End Up Asking What About Me//
It’s The Same Ole Life, Nothing Special Until I Am No Longer//
Maybe Next Life I Will Come Back As Something Stronger//
So As My Life Flashes Before My Eyes I Am Reminded Of All Your Lies//
Never Wanted To Be With Me, Only Time You Hear Me Is Through My Cries//
The News Of What You Lose Is A Cause Of Yours Loves Over Dues//
I Always Am The One That You Would Never Choose//
Now For The Choice I Made I’m On My Way To Hell//
Nothing In My Life Left To Tell, I Hope Your Remembrance of Me Makes You Unwell//
Enthralled With Heat, But Not From The Street But Know Your Love Was Never//
Now I Am Wedged In This Dismal Life Eternally Forever//

Saw My Love Through Your Eyes
Realized All You Told Was Lies
I Didn’t Know A Man Would Ever Cry
But When I See You I Want To Die

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yo can i get some feed on this please

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can i atleast get some feedback plz?

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fuc them dawg..it started simple but emotion then progressed into a masterpiece of poetic expression.

If I Could Rap To A Beat I Would Make Sure It Was Slow//

very ironic to throw that in a rap!!!!!
i liked that....you flow needs a little more complexity but other then that i dont see much flaw.you can only elivate from here.
i'll be looking for more material for you.

yeah that was ill dawg i loved the imotion that u throwed in and made it all poetic. i think u touched a real emotional spot dawg good drop

that was hella tight homie.....i was feelin a poetic vibe....seemed hella emotional....made for a great read.....ur vocab and wordplay were pretty good.....ur content and topic were original......overall great drop, cant wait to read more of ur shit......

peace......

a woman has really fucked you up, i think the chorus is catchy, nice.........
i like it , big up.....peace

a women didnt do shit to me.. this was just how i was in the moment i was thinking figuratively after a while, shit i would never kill myself over a women

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that was mad tight
lots of emotion...
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ok, flow was good, vocab wasnt bad but a lil on the simple side in parts...rhyme scheme was kinda basic also....structure was pretty good...content was good....felt like it had alot of emotion in it...it was a nice drop...like everyone else said, it had a poetic vibe to it...enjoyed reading it...keep dropping yo

and if you get a chance...could u hit up my latest open mic and leave me some feedback...
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=85644