Sometimes The Noises Stand Poised On The Edge Of The Cliff
And It Annoys Us More And More With Every Single Vocal Riff
So The Tv Changer In My Pocket Trembles In Locked Anticipation
As The Sounds Crashing Down Acts As Frowns Of Precipitation
The Crowns Of Abbreiviation Lie On The Heads Of The Ignorant
When The Tumor Is Malignant, They Feel The Need To Signal It
With Flashing Neon Lights, Slashing Out At Anyone Who Fights
For The Rights Of The The Terrorists Who Suffer From Stage Fright
Draw My Many Buttoned Pistol,Point It Straight At The Wet Whistle
It Won't Close And Stop Shreikin About Their Saints And Epistles
Exerting Pressure On The Switch, And A Switch Indeed Occured
Not A Snitched Snatch Of Speach (Read: Nobody Said A Word)
You Wonder Why Everyone Silenced Their Cries All Of A Sudden
As I Wander On Down The Hall, My Finger Still On The Mute Button

*click*

__________________
Life isn't a bitch...
she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis

Dope..
Work on vocab and metties,if you'd be so kind.Drop feed on my open mic Running the game and Goodfight goodnight

damn man the way u word stuff .....just dope....
the subject was kinda cool..like the way u made a little thing
into a big thing..u know what i mean........Props

__________________

MerK SquAd.

<center><img src=http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=8889&stc=1></center>

Best Peice, That I've Seen From You. Like Woah.
Great, Great Peice.. *Goes To Nominate*

wow...that was dope
flowed good, vocab was ill, wordplay was creative as hell, that was hot, great read, peace

__________________
Open Mics
The Weathers Art
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673
My Teenage Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850
Secluded
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851
Open Your Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461

Ok, 'this was dope' replies donmt help anyone, so. .

Nice verse for the tourney, a little short to really get into / indepth with, you should of expanded it, made it longer and ran w. the topic a more. Its good that your using internals, but a lot were basic 1 or 2 syllable inners, you need to make them into 3 or 4 syllable multi's to make it dope, add some spice to it. Your flow was decent, although off in some areas, you seemed to sacrifice the flow for content / vocab, the long words at the end of the lines threw your flow off course in a lot of lines, imagery was decent, again, could of been better if you'd of extended this i felt, you had a few good lines in there, worded ok, nothing too quoteable, your transition needs A LOT of work, you drift from one idea to the other too quickly, its like you write two lines then go straight into a totally seperate idea, try finding ways to link them, you need at least 4 lines on the same subject to make it dope

i actually liked this, im just tired of kids saying 'this was dope' =- that helps no one. this wasnt legendary, you've done better, IVE SEEN you do better, YOU KNOW you've done better

it was good, i liked it, but yeah, you needed some real crit. = )

sometimes lengh effects the message i feel that happened here you fell short of an exqisit drop by sipplying am mediocore amount of info.
you exploi5t such talet on other drops i felt this had to be rushed cause ive read your previous and this is so generalized.

damn... this shit is hot son! the metas were so fuckn clean! it flowed almost flawless .... the topic was dope.. but i lost meaning in a few parts.. maybe my perception wasnt pickn up all the images though i caught alot of it.. definitly some dope peice.. a shortie but the best read of the day.. i give it a 9/10 keep droppn and much propz. one.

up

__________________
Life isn't a bitch...
she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis