Its been awhile. . . But i've been having problems with my family and i decided to write and this is what i came up with. . .

Pay attention to the beginning to get the end. .


The Knife going into my skin is like the lighting slicing across the sky. .
The blood is like the rain droppings onto earth's surface. . .
And the scream of pain is like the thunder loud and powerful. . .
Has the power to wake up many. . .
I hurt deep. . deep. . deep down in my heart. .
I hurt deep. . deep. . deep down in my soul. .
Everyday - You force yourself into my brain.
Nothing I can do, for i think,dream,see images of you
Nothing nor no one else. .
Am i alone ?
Am i the only one who feels this ?
Am i the only one who still feels your presense ?
Am i the only one that still see's you there lying on the floor no breath,no pulse, no energy to listen to me tell you i love you ?
Am i the only one who suffers from not being able to let you know how much you mean ?
Everyday, I think about joining you in this paradise they call heaven
Everyday, I think about the morning, the morbid morning when you took your eternal nap
The day you left me
The day you left me alone, No one to talk to
The day you left me alone, No one to talk to nor no one to share my problems
Do i need you ?
Yes, I need you more than ever now
I need my engine
I need my key
I need my gas
You were it, my engine, my key, and my gas
To start up my day and give me something to look forward to
But now you're gone and i'm left with nothing, no nothing
But a car on the side of the road. . .
So now i'm stuck in this storm. . with no engine nor key nor any gas to get me anywhere. .
So i'm stuck here forever. . in this eternal storm

all you have to do is reply to people your not special
and theres rules in every forum homie..this was umm okay...

I would give you some positive feedback because we all
go through mad problems but your problem now is you
not replying to anyone here...I hope things get better

This is sad.... *tears*! But jus a few things I think might add to this, in the beggining you said ...is like the... it would have sounded a bit better in my mind if you had written that something was this or something was that, ya smell me? The line about "the morbid morning", I liked that, but at the end you took away the originality of it when you said eternal nap, we already knew that the person had died because you showed us the person on the floor, "no pulse, not breathing, not able to hear you tell them you loved them". Just a few ideas to make a bold poem make even more of a statement. I liked this, it was well thought out, I just think there could be some contributions to make it, for lack of a better word, more original and break away from the common phrases.

This feels like one big metaphor to me. Im torn between a broken down car, and the loss of a loved one.. am I meant to read it that way or is my mind finally completely wacked out?

Either way, you have a unique and refreshing style... Your very own, and I loved it. The repetition at certain parts placed particular emphasis on the emotions you were feeling, and really gave the piece depth.

Nice writing.

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this was a pretty good piece, there are some parts that could be picked up some to make it even better, such as a better vocab, you did have some but more would help, and try to pull yourself away from the everyday ways of explaining things, start comparing them in a different way, to different things, make it unique. it sounded good thou, and i liked most of the repeats you had in it. stay up.

~Tera~
DONT HATE

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