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Old 10-23-03, 08:35 PM   #1
Dev
1E
 
Posts: 1,512
From: N.E.England
ladies love.............

IP:

The only way your gonna see some pimpin action
is if your lips are loose and gaspin Claspin
for my balls and never ending passion, whos askin
for the best contraction like a chain reaction,
Tunnel and train crashing,
Time elapsing, groundhog climiaxin To N.D.eva laughing,
Lying back collapsing with real satisfaction no compassion,
must be the fashion that didn’t go out with flares and VW wagon,
No I’m not bragging, dicks like a livin canon,
could sink the ‘cutty sark’, straight through the plankin,
venus fly trappin, no fake orgasm, or disease contractin,
if they did ‘id wak em, who give her the clap, started her scratching
I’m like a fatal attraction; could you be a fraction,
-Compared to my interaction
You’d have more notches than a gangbang anthem,
Then kick em out the door, don’t fuckin thank em
Finished with their services, taxi comin SOON madam
-blag them, not a puppet don’t want no strings attachin
But prepare for a slappin, bitch ass attackin
She’ll think she’s been used - like a crew and you’re the captain
Think on your feet tell her there’s been an accident,
That you’ll phone her later then pretend to start panicin!………
…………….. biiiaaaccttthhh!!!
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Old 10-23-03, 08:50 PM   #2
Menik
Word.
 
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Posts: 2,017
From: Mifflinburg, PA
IP:

This was a pretty good piece i thought....the flow of it seemed pretty well through out the piece, a bit off at some spots but still good...Your vocab was good in this...Multies were alright.....your content was good as well...overall it was a pretty good piece...keep at it...and keep dropping.
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Old 10-24-03, 06:51 AM   #3
Otherwordz
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Posts: 865
From: Crown Heights, Crooklyn,11203
IP:

yeah...the flow was dope...and I noticed a coupla multiez up in there too...vocab wasn't as expansive as it usually is in ya piecez...but overal this was a dope drop...
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Old 10-24-03, 07:23 AM   #4
pot1ent
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IP:

I think the flow was the best thing above all other aspects of this piece. . It can still be increased but its good. . The content was okay, I mean what you wanted to say was said and i sorta related. .Props
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Old 10-24-03, 11:32 AM   #5
WORD~PERFECT
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IP:

2ND READ IVE SEEN FROM YOU AND JUST AS GOOD ASD THE LAST YOU GOT A REAL TALENT SHINNING STAY UP
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Old 10-24-03, 06:45 PM   #6
Dev
1E
 
Posts: 1,512
From: N.E.England
IP:

come on hit me wit sum more feed.................
..................................and thanx for the crit so far dawgs
...............................
........................
......//...//...
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