Edicius

The Deep Side

The world outside sufferin from all kinds of schemes,
still im wakin up in the morning whole wet of my dreams.

The real sufferin is removed from me by a distance
unfortunately it didnt account for my persistence.
And it seems that its arguably none appropriate,
still it make me sad,inside..appears failin to accelerate
Macabre sounds emanate,my nerve-system from every direction,
penetrate,spine shattering evil,flowin thru my bodys every section.
War is in progress,im far away,but i feel fear aswell suprised?
Cuz my nerves jangled wits frayed and my bowels terrorised,
Is there a cure?or shall i give up & let it,spreadin tru every vain ,
that miniaturisation,of a colossal variety,of multipurposin pain.

Hopefully, untill that..the world and me still sufferin from all kinds of schemes..
and i will keep up, wakin up late at night..from my wet-dreams..

The Fantasy side..

Potent

Even sleeping in thermal gear won't keep dreams dry
Beyonces body etches the backs of the lids of my eyes
Passion implied is revived as soon as i drift from reality
Am I really giving it too someone?Its a gift to my vanity
It lifts amity with myself. .Is it profanity to speak about
Seamen being let out. .Like boats dutys aren't needed
Always honing your imagination of booty being seeded
So only thats heeded. .You get so into it that you are it
Its one of those things you can't stop once you started
If you have aspirations with liquid. .it means wet-dreams
Thats the type of thing parents have set you to believe
Like wet dreams. .Um yeah. .There really wet aren't they?
When Halle Berrys cherry is icing the cake with star play

. .Only seen when looking in the night sky

Hmm....

Interesting topic.....

Nice ideas coupled with good imagery...
Flow was pretty nice...


Good shit overall...
Nice piece by both

found it hard to get into the flow of the first kids verse...seemed jerky
was a decent verse though vocab was your best point but it didnt really have alot of impact

potient used alot more imagery and dealt with the topic well...usually rap about sex n shit is shitty but u managed to avoid that
imagery and flow were highlights
not much else to say
good work
peep mine as well....

i wasnt really feeling edicus's part, i just didnt understand what he was rapping about, it just seemed like babble about nothing, sorry i just didnt like it, maybe your tring to be abstract but i dont understand that shit so i dont like it. no hate that my honest opinion

i thought potents was better, it was more to the point and did a good job of staying on topic and flowed better, it was kind of basic though it reminded me of ODB for some reason,

its an iight drop, flow was on point but work on yer delivery a bit more

7/10

i think the first verse delt well with another subject matter it reall doesnt seam that EE was on the same page as P.......
he did a great jobe of describing the world outside but P did the wetdreams portion so if it was supposed to be each describing a dif prospective then this was well done if not then E needs to re read and format some lines to intertwine with the actual topic...........

P your poetic concept and context bring a level to respect of having wet dreams you make almost seam like an art(now i feel tingley and will have to seduce my hand to jerk off) never the less very artistically displayed and in depth so i imagine a wet dream itself gave you your inspiration.
USING MS.BERRY at the end adds great imagdry cause and man has had those trhoughts with her so indeed again extremely great way to display relative emotion....great peace now im going to go stroke off so see you in 5 mins lol

this was nice for what it was .. bring some comedy into it!!

just go off and be like ...

"saturday night i came home and crashed on the couch
dreamin' of j lo suckin' me off, i'd plaster her mouth
ten am my moms woke me up - i'ma dead man
she seen the twinkle in my eye and the stain in my sweat pants"

dont try to be so serious about things all the time .. try to make people laugh and such

this was nice but could have been executed better ..

pz..1

I dont like humour, ..

Like deepness..lol^^

Thnx for the feedback..^

__________________
Fuck you

very uique piece, i felt you both camr strong, good flows, u both had well though out lines, very creative an seems tobe a hard subject to rhyme about...but good work...8/10

__________________
Open Mics
The Weathers Art
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673
My Teenage Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850
Secluded
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851
Open Your Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461

Thanx

I liked potent1 parts better i think he came more prepared

Passion implied is revived as soon as i drift from reality
Am I really giving it too someone?Its a gift to my vanity
It lifts amity with myself. .Is it profanity to speak about
Seamen being let out. .Like boats dutys aren't needed
Always honing your imagination of booty being seeded


Overall a decent spit 7.5/10

Up

c section sed it bruv....

maaaaan u HAVE goten better....i remeber u sayin "i gotta keep writtin rhymes so i can get better""

lol....and u stayed tru to ur word blud...!!!



anyway......

if yall find the time.... holla....

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=87346