justice

Can we get justice,
or will they try hard to bust us,
for things we didnt do,
were not normal me nor you,
were different then the rest,
they try hard to put us to the test,
im like this,
even though people dis,
i will not change,
the law is in range,
to get me again,
like the way i talk is a sin,
well just think,
let the thoughts sink,
chain me!,
Beat me!,
I am my self!

Only my second, tell me what you think

try to make the lyrics more complex
make your sentences longer

if ya went some proper feedback, here goes.........
your lines are way too short, and it would flow alot better if you changed your rhyming scheme, so that you ryhme atleast a couple of words in each line.......also try and keep the sructure the same thru the verse, i think this is a good starting point, then try introducing some multis and some wrd play.........oh i forgot, im my eyes the main thing is to find sumthin that you can relate to write bout this......it will come across better.......peace dawg!

Yeah basically every thing Deva said...it was ok, but make your lines longer and try to make then around the same length.....and work on your structure... add multies and internals some wordplay....try making it more complex....but keep at it and you will get better...and keep dropping.

it couldve ben longer, but sometimes short pieces are ill, aiight vocab, structure was on point, rhyme scheme was tight, topic was tight and you stayed on point wit that, other than those small little quirks this piece was ill, keep elevatin and spittin.~1~

Thanks for the feed back!!!

short lines can flow idiots.
get some skills!

__________________

Great Reply. 'Fuck Outta Here!

And Spinna, I'm in a good mood, so I'll just ask you to do this instead of deleting this thread.
Can you reply to three pieces (or if you already have), and post the title of the thread and the persons name of the thread in which you replied to (for all 3 pieces.)
Thank you.