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Old 10-31-03, 12:01 PM   #1
set-ignorance
Light Weight
 
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Posts: 234
From: UK, Glos
Rap battle

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hypnotical word play that will make u glance//
an impossible structure as i take my stance//
try breaking down my walls u don't have a chance//
standing ova 6 feet tall, proudly glaring//
sizeing up my opponent, aggressive staring//
niggaz behind him, eventually daring him//
to take me on, now were squaring//
As i prepare to hit him with a crunch-line//
i can see this bitch doesn't have a punch-line//
i take full advantage of this disability//
flip my script, he's lost his visibility//
like a bullet from a gun, i hit him hard//
he feels the hit, emotionally scar'd//
Now i've discard a member of the rap society//
every nigga watching, has props for me//
i move gracefully into the next round//
like in a morgue i make no sound//
i think of my word play on how to cuss this dick out//
as he take to the mic, all he can do is shout//
i laugh in suspense and hit the high note//
laugh at his shit and make him write down what i quote//
hand the mic back, and ask for the shit he wrote//
pocket the paper and light up a smoke//
i know he's out, and i have no remorse//
he looks into the crowd, theres a silent pause//
he's choking up the words he thought would hit me//
but like in the western times, theres only one of us who can run this city//
blissfully n skillful, i nod with respect//
i've fucked this guy completely, with out one fucking regret...
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Old 10-31-03, 12:18 PM   #2
Baron God
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Posts: 481
From: England
IP:

It lacvked any punches / personally / multi's / internals, had a choppy basic flow, poor transition, little creativity, no writers voice and your word choice was horrible.

Go and write a piece with imagery and emotion rather than twaddle about 'niggas' = /
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Old 10-31-03, 03:21 PM   #3
Otherwordz
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From: Crown Heights, Crooklyn,11203
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^^^Cam??????
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Old 11-01-03, 08:32 AM   #4
Lucky$$$$$
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IP:

had some good punches. i think the lines sould be longer. it's just my style. but your short lines work 'cause you had nice word play. i actually could see the picture in my head as a was reading it.
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