Do they want us to be part of the system
That starts us wishing theres more to life
I deplore whats rights so i'm left stuck out
A shut house opens every door possible
Hoard profitable if you pass all your test!?
Chores congests my soul from expanding
No holds standing, cuz I've dropped it all
Flopped out balls must've done this to me
Run risk free cuz attending gym is dodgy
Limbs grow podgy so they can feast on us
Speak Up against those who silences me
But silence intreges them with what I am
Got lopped hands from holding all theirs
Folding my shares so now im just selfish
Y'all push pelvis cuz all of you are wasted

Or should I change back. .

School life seems shorter than christinias skirts
Don't know untill I leave if this demeanour works
But this vechile might crash then i'll be a write off
Is it clever going through this with sites crossed

thought it was alright, a bit of a choppy flow and wierd structure, but it read through decent enough, content was ok, but i prefered the structure of the second...aight, peace dawg!

IT WAS ODD YET ART OF ITS OWN FORM YOUR WORD PAINTED THE PICTURE BUT I WONDER WHAT RHYTHM WAS ON YOUR MIND WHEN YOU DID THIS

Yeah I was just being creative, I mean I hadn't ever seen soeone do this flow before

blahblahblahrhyme1
rhyme1blahblahrhyme2
rhyme2blahblahrhyme3

. .so yeah. .Pz

Yeah put the rhym and the content together and we may have something..just put a little more thought into it next time..and you will be on the right track..aight peace