i rap about shit, too sick for a human,
my skills boomin'
my shit is everything, but soothin'
i make little bumps erect from yo skin
every single thing i say is either curse or a sin
but i don't believe it is that fucken bad
probbly cuz i'm livin' it, ain't that sad
most likely i deserve it, for all the women i've scarred
not really you highway, you fuckin' retard
i didn't get much for killin' babies
cept some scabies
rabies
and i lost some ladies
but thats alright i am still livin' my dream
rappin' on the computer, super net ceein'

just some short shit

umm that was wack...but good try though im guessin its ya 1st tyme keep freestylin on 1 topic then a different topic u'll get the hang of it

uppin'

need some feedbac

Ok...Work on your structure...try to keep your lines around the same length not short and long lines like you have in there...Add some multies and internals, so it helps the flow of the piece...Overall it was ok, but work on your stuff....keep at it...and keep dropping.

thanks for the feedback

^Word. Also, you might wanna up your vocabulary and use some metaphores to give the readers a mental picture of what you're talking about.



Now hit my shit up:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=90886

Everything That They Said..Coulda Deff Been Better
With ALOT of Work.. But You Fall Into It As You
Grow n' Keep Working.. So I Dont Doubt You'll Fix
It With The Above Remarks

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THIS VERSE (AS SHORT AS IT IS) NEES A BIT MUR STRUCTURE AND MEAPHORS.......................................... .................................................. ..

to da top

The begining was pretty god but it just dropped off after that keep tryin like masta c said youu should work on makin it less choppy and keep you lines relatively the same length and up you vocab keep it up though

thanks peopel