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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
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11-11-03, 08:15 AM
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#1
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Guest
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Sadly wiped my family
IP:
Started writing and all of a sudden this came out.. wierd. Done in 3.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Kicked down the door.. bullet to the head blood all over the floor Moms at the back yelling please no mo.. fuck it might as well do her Four to the chest next to her son.. now she can rest Popps comes in dosen't walk.. two to the throat now he cant talk Sisters in bed 3 in the back one in the neck.. now shes long dead Carry on worshiping my thoughts.. cause soon ill be gone Hear the poe-leece daymn no more peace I run.. shot in the back now im done So i fell.. may i persist my quest in hell ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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11-11-03, 09:16 AM
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#2
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Guest
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IP:
Wow. This is one poem that is out of the ordinary. No offense or anything. This sucks to see something like that happen to good people. I can feel the emotion you put in this and it was worth the read. Keep dropin. Look forward to reading more from you.
MM |
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11-11-03, 07:37 PM
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#3
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Guest
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IP:
Thanks for ze comment
keep em coming if ya got any |
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11-11-03, 07:43 PM
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#4
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Just call me your Savior
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IP:
a really interesting poem, tha topic is one where u don't wanna attack it tha wrong way and get it off incorrectly but u did quite well on...
one thing, though, careful with ur rhyme scheme, specially internal, tha way u had it really stopped tha flow of a rhyming poem but ur pretty close to where u want to be, jus work at it... elevate...
__________________
<marquee>?</marquee> |
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11-12-03, 06:11 PM
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#5
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Light Weight
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IP:
The only thing I didnt like about this poem was the rhyme scheme, and how you wrote it (The way, not the words you used).. the words you used were nice, and I was feelin this piece.
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<center>Fuck it...</center> |
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11-13-03, 07:39 PM
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#6
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Light Weight
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IP:
^uppin this for 'em.. niice poem deserves replies.
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<center>Fuck it...</center> |
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11-13-03, 09:29 PM
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#7
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Str8 From CopKilla Queens
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IP:
Umm its very generic, didnt really say anything thought provoking, stating the facts i guess but i didnt find it very entertaining, keep up though, check under the avy for the last sentence, 1luv.
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11-14-03, 01:10 PM
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#8
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Registered User
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IP:
this is a style i've never seen before .. i'm feeling where you coming from .. but at first it didn't seem like it was rhyming to me so i went and read the whole thing again .. and it did rhyme .. i didn't notice you had more internal rhyming than just end rhymes .. pretty tight peice .. keep elevating .. ay return the favor .. get at me!
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11-14-03, 06:31 PM
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#9
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Guest
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IP:
Thnx young pup. Ill holla back at your work.
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11-14-03, 06:40 PM
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#10
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Guest
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IP:
nice drop can relate to the feeling in this piece. rhymeing was alil off but nice words over all tight piece keep it uo
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