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Old 11-11-03, 01:30 PM   #1
sthash
New to RB
 
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Posts: 23
From: Reading UK
My aim is ......

IP:

my aim is to elevate dreams//
eliminate fiegns with a beam of latent heat//
with elegncy i proceed to raise a blatent peak//
i gaze vacantly at a gradient which violations seep //
ethnical speech is made with question that orbit over a mind thats torment//
like clark kent i find my closet persona hexed and delude//
A fathering moon mourns with a spetrum of views //
born to break through with my alternative wisom //
in 1 verse i perform sugery without the works of incision//
i see vison throuhgh lids of blepharitis//
u only exist because i thought of it//
devils coke ya breath takes hold wit tight grip//
i capture with cancer to infest taurus and carprcorn with it//
yet in which eloquently scrutinized to toture mics//
during a preceding life i reached my quest of norhten lights//
in mankind we reech the dawn for lord of flys//
cus even the imortal likes are short of life//
Got u shook similar to cerebral-palsy//
My thoughts illustrates images that only men of the war see//
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Old 11-11-03, 01:34 PM   #2
Mr.Christensen
Fuck You, I Rhyme Better
 
Posts: 2,488
IP:

well..

you had some good flow there but the line lenght threw it off a few times

the wordplay was lacking, from what i saw, might want to work on that

not much to say here, it was short and sweet...no real draw back

good drop kid

if you would be so kind hit No Tomorrow from my sig
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Old 11-11-03, 01:37 PM   #3
pot1ent
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Posts: n/a
IP:

The opening liens flow were really complex, but the rest of the piece fell of, places were good, others def weren't, the content was okay, the multis made the flow 5/10, but could of easily been stepped up, content was 5/10, this wasn't a bad piece

Elevate
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Old 11-11-03, 02:46 PM   #4
obsenity
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IP:

ay dawg that was a decent verse, ok flow, ok wordplay, and nice ending line. PEACE homie

return da favor at my RENEGADE (remix)

HOLLA
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Old 11-11-03, 04:05 PM   #5
LM
Drop Of Genius
 
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Posts: 1,793
From: The promised land
IP:

This was an Ok peice.
Wordplay and flow were good but like Realist said the line length could have been improved but that didnt bring the peice down much.
Good drop 7/10
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