Jay-R : 12 Line Keystyle
Baron God : Origin Ill Diss:Phrantik
sthash : My Aim is...


Chorus - LM
We livin in a hell/
We all in jail or out on bail/
Usin dreams as the holy grail/
So many have fell so we gon' rally the troops/
We gon' get who we can to help carry us through/
Maybe we need Jesus to protect us through all we do/
We've suffered, that's why we bringin this message to you/

Verse 1 - executive
Obstacles continue to cross my path but I keep surviving them/
Sometimes I feel ever since birth I was arriving condemned/
But non the less I keep fighting my problems I face them face to face/
Face the ways of bad days with simple wishes of reaching the higher place/
See I grew up admiring stars/
Wishing one day I’d be the one flashing new cars/
Not knowing life would oppress me like this/
Damn some times I really wish I didn’t exist/
But I remain in this world for a reason so I aint leaving/
Im conceiving and achieving a state of mind that has me believing im soon to stop grieving/
Im no longer scared of dying, crying has kept me down but I’ll never stop trying/
If death is my destiny then be sure to see me flying/
i was lost once but now I found hope/
the streets were my enemies but at the same time they helped me cope/
to this life which repeatedly keeps sending me a “noose in a rope”/
but If I’ve learned something in from my life is that there is no never ending slope/
so eventually life will suit my desire/
until then I’ll continue to fight fire with fire and hear the hook of this song of the choir get higher/

Chorus - LM
We livin in a hell/
We all in jail or out on bail/
Usin dreams as the holy grail/
So many have fell so we gon' rally the troops/
We gon' get who we can to help carry us through/
Maybe we need Jesus to protect us through all we do/
We've suffered, that's why we bringin this message to you/

Verse 2 - LM
To this rap game I'm dedicated/
It's coz the rest of my life is complicated/
I feel pain from bein debated against and hated/
The only thing I've got is the dream of one day sayin I made it/
Yes my wrists have been slit, and I've survived the depression/
I got paranoid til stress was an obsession/
I aint gon' go through that again coz I've learnt my lesson/
I learnt that God is testin us all for fun/
If we survive it he'll forgive every sin we've ever done/
I will hold the boulder on my shoulders even if it weighs 100 tons/
Nobody will break me, I'm the oldest of my moms 4 sons and I wont crumble/
I wont take a tumble so bring whatever you've got/
I've grown up on the streets, people get shot, robberies take place and 95% of peepz are hooked on pot/
People say the streets are all bad but there not, they made me who I am today/
Yes they're hard and we need help but I wouldnt wanna live any other way/
They give me the inspiration to say what I say/
They give me the will to live through the night and see another day/.

Chorus - LM
We livin in a hell/
We all in jail or out on bail/
Usin dreams as the holy grail/
So many have fell so we gon' rally the troops/
We gon' get who we can to help carry us through/
Maybe we need Jesus to protect us through all we do/
We've suffered, that's why we bringin this message to you/



Thanks to executive for featurin on this

__________________

HARRY R.I.P
1940 - 2002

In Respect

I know it's long but dont be lazy...give some feedback

__________________

HARRY R.I.P
1940 - 2002

In Respect

the hook needed m0ore ralative work.....
exec used some abstrct content delivery and it amplified his verse in style i was impressed with that....vocab needs some work though but ia good solid verse....
lm came with fire but also i have to say was realistically graphic like he unleashed real repressed emotions here
wow all and all you to should work togeather again.this was a nice rhyme

aight good stuff man thanks 4 the feed back

Yo thanks for the comment. The hook was hard to do I admit

__________________

HARRY R.I.P
1940 - 2002

In Respect

nice shit dogg

^^^more constructive comment next time otherwise you'll get this closed and that wouldnt be good

__________________

HARRY R.I.P
1940 - 2002

In Respect

up

__________________

HARRY R.I.P
1940 - 2002

In Respect

up

__________________

HARRY R.I.P
1940 - 2002

In Respect

up

__________________

HARRY R.I.P
1940 - 2002

In Respect

this was hot shit....... executive needs some work on vocab, but his wordplay & flow was on point..... LM spit some fiery emotion, with excellent rhyming and lyrics.... didnt have as good wordplay, but had a slightly better verse based on the content and lyrics...... chorus needs work though nice joint, you two make a good team....

8/10

Check out my open mic "Mind Theory" please..... thanks

Thanks for the comments

__________________

HARRY R.I.P
1940 - 2002

In Respect

up

__________________

HARRY R.I.P
1940 - 2002

In Respect

This took time, I know that's why you so uppin for feed bk, so....

Flow an structure on point, good concepts an use of wordplay, however vocab could be up... good read...

"To this rap game I'm dedicated/
It's coz the rest of my life is complicated/"- I can relate to dis line, feelin' it


Obstacles continue to cross my path but I keep surviving them/
Sometimes I feel ever since birth I was arriving condemned/- good opening

I liked the chorus... wit the right beat, if you audio dis dis tune would be a killah...

Uppin for feed bk on my thread 'What I think of RB (really)'

This was a great piece, the flow sometimes was off but i found because of what you 2 talked about and how well you stayed on point made this into an excelent read. Ex..you had a great verse. the flow sometimes was hard but you set a good imagery on how you felt
LM, you also had a great verse, I wouldn't say one was better then the other cause you both showed good talent,
the chorus was okie, I liked it, coulsd have been better but it related good to a struggle and the song so it was on topic,

Great read, pz

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Open Mics
The Weathers Art
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673
My Teenage Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850
Secluded
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851
Open Your Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461