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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
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11-14-03, 09:19 AM
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#1
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Guest
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Another Night
IP:
Sometimes i cant sleep well for weeks... so i wrote this.
Changing my stlye abit wanted to see how it would come out without rhyming. Another night Another nightmare Toss and turn… only me trying to sleep again I feel alone To alone I feel trapped To trapped Mind full of evil parallel thoughts Memories of all the pain i caused everyone circling my head Toss and turn... only me trying to sleep again Holding tight to my blanket… sweat dripping from my forehead There is no relief… no aide What else could i do? I pray to survive another day To not cause pain To not destroy To not torment Just another day of no sin I’m feeling lonely To lonely to see anyone I’m feeling sorrow But there is no hope now... I try to cry but i just can’t I toss and turn For another day of sin~ |
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11-14-03, 02:54 PM
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#2
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Guest
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IP:
Good job. The structure was good, en the wordin was good too. You did a great job of putin imagery in it. Overall I liked it and thought that it was a good piece, especially seeing this is the first time that you decided not to use ur rhyme scheme. My opinion is that it came out iight. Good job. Keep em comin. Much respect.
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11-14-03, 06:33 PM
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#3
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Guest
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IP:
Thnx mami.
Keep em coming |
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11-14-03, 07:19 PM
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#4
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Guest
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IP:
upin
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11-14-03, 07:54 PM
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#5
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Guest
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IP:
good drop. The struture was very well done and thought out. i love reding this it was a great read. this piece was very well put together. thank for a great read
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11-14-03, 08:40 PM
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#6
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..Soft Focus..
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IP:
damn, you suck lol just fucken with ya this was actually pretty good, i think you could elavate on yout structure it would help you weith your thoughts cuz u could explain more clearer, but for this it was pretty basic your feelings so it was a good emotional read an hope ye get some sleep man no more wet dreams lol pz
__________________
Open Mics The Weathers Art http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673 My Teenage Eyes http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850 Secluded http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851 Open Your Eyes http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461 |
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11-15-03, 09:24 AM
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#7
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Guest
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IP:
hehehe^^: )
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11-15-03, 10:18 AM
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#8
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Light Weight
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IP:
the emotion was pretty good in this. in some places I couldn't feel what you were trying to say though. I dont know.. it was probably just me. I thought this was good though. Nice drop, keep 'em comin.
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<center>Fuck it...</center> |
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