read this quicker then usual poems.....

I wish I was a baker so I could bake her a cake when Im sorry
stuff these words inside, jus to sugar coat my sincere apology
Takin a sip of my orange juice I concentrate on what to say
before it sinks into my pulp never to be spoken of, see plus
I can't focus, I would never say fuck us, its pure blur shit
excuse my language but ex's used me and thats not the point
its just sharp sides and corners, I?ll keep you away from them always
20 years I?ve looked all ways with no direction I walk astray
searching for that oz. of love, but you gave me a worlds weight
thought of 'I heart you' captures me as I watch that hart run thru
the woods and wonder would you someday sit on my tree branch ?
I promise no splinters, no other birds chirpin for your territory
read my love stories, but you'll never reach that last staircase
it never ends. How ironic.

Wow... your av is scaring me. LoL. All I see is that outta the corner of my eye when i'm reading.. anyway.. onto the crit. This poem had a nice flow to it, and a lot of imagery. Its like everything you said.. the orangejuice, the birds, splinters, corners, sharpsides.. just everything was pictured in my mind. This was an amazing piece and everything to it was picture-perfect. Nice ass piece..

__________________
<center>Fuck it...</center>

Nice Nice Nice
this was a real good piece
i loved the flow...the two lines at the top were out of the ordinary, i really like that
i read this piece and when i was done i was like DAMN
you didnt need elaborate vocab or a nice suited structure everything fell into place
i really enjoyed this,
keep writing

__________________
~.:Soft Focus:.~
{--Deacon (\_/~\_/) Content --}
{-Calisto (\_/~\_/) .:Lady Sage:.-}
{--Filed (\_/~\_/) Domain 9--}
{-Thrust (\_/~\_/) Know1 (\_/~\_/) Emotion-}
{ --Rule (\_/~\_/) Mental God--}
Poetry
Don't Look Into My Eyes Forgotten
Understanding Once Again
"It requires wisdom to understand wisdom:
the music is nothing if the audience is deaf."

I must agree this was very orginal... I enjoyed it through and
through... Good structure, play-on-words, vocab was on point
can't say anything bad about it...keep writing.

__________________
<BR><h3><color=black><center><MARQUEE BEHAVIOR=scroll DIRECTION=left LOOP=infinite scrollamount=1 width=300>*~*~*Lady Wun*~*~*</MARQUEE></color></center></h3>
<BR>
<BR><MARQUEE BEHAVIOR=scroll DIRECTION=up LOOP=infinite scrollamount=1 height=100> <center><font color=000000><I>*~*~*~*~*</p>I'm invisible to the unseen eye</p>I'm undeniable strength</p>*~*~*~*~*~*</p>Merk Squad</MARQUEE></center><I>

all the feedback is much appreciated...i was just goin for some play on words while getting my message out.....one again thanks for the feedback.. ^^^^

uppin

I must say, playing on words generally goes waaayyy over my head.

Some of these I got. But seriously, it went way over my head.

But hey, with talent like that, someday you'll be a real Captain Play-On-Words.

__________________

Quote:

Originally posted by Bruklor Nec is just dumb

I'm taking that as a compliment.