Potent

Well that ain't you
& complaints have grew
So, the Wackness Emergency Centre
Is just for you
Your left blue
Like your balls
Even with ya gay groupies
Can you get your ass to bawl
You waist lines so loosely
like their jogger bottoms
You have no skills
So don't think its forgotten
Your known as an ass like Kylie Mynogue
Youve old front like Carol Smiley exposed
Your viley controlled
Potents spits just to show sewage works
With treated shit
Your prolly peados like munichs lurched
Now i've excreted it
Your like submarine weapons
Your a tore-peado
Then you dub fiends of second
Like Olympic Judges beckons
Want to restore your ego?
Then galored of trees go
Like you're the am-a-son
Your dole is a man-a-kins
I'll go & get The End to ban your whim
Didn't you hear!?
They ban newbed nerds
Your more of a used herb
Than Wild Yam on women
I'm now stringing
words along like their Jordans men
your sheet doesn't sail
yet your lyrics are still boarding pen
Now your rubbing hell
Cuz your riding my dick you hail

Everbody

Yo
You've got the desire to go higher like Dezyir
& be funny despite gettin tired like Mike Myers
Or be like Camerac
& have smooth caramel bars
News is.. paras now fail hard
You wanna be just like Sal-V
You couldn't be. .
Your never going to be originally sick
Like having your heart front to back
The way your getting sublimanly hit
Your WhoDeanie cuz you stunt wraps
I lunch cats.. Better than Iams
When are you realising. .

Everybody hasn't got many words for you!
They don't even talk about you. .
They like to have something new. .

Yet again, the new flow,

[B] Links

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...6500#post916500

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=92615

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...6510#post916510

Yo man this shit was wack as fuck...no hate or anything but man...your structure just sucked....the flow was ok but nothing good or anything...i just looked at the structure and was like "blah" but i still read it...it wasnt worth reading man...but i mean it was ok but nothing id read again...no hate...just my opinion

whack structure but dats was tight

hmmm..... i expected a litle more than what i read..... it started off ok but went downhill by the time it got to the last third of verse one......it was aiight but nuthin incredible to be like running to tell ya boyz about.

Um. .okay. .I take no hate, but heres what you didn't recognize

I've been writing with structure. .WAY WAY above yours. .the structure may have been wack as fcuk .. But when your spitting to an audience they won't give one secodn thoughts about how its presented on the page. .or if it had structure. .I got told by some dope heads that I should focus on different tempos to up my game, so I did!. .If it was wack = /. .Then howcome I don't see wordplay & metas from you like this. .huh. .

*made my point*

i see what ur tryin to do
experimenting with floow structure etc
but for me this doesnt work..in audio maybe but as a text piece nah
some nice wordplay in there had me chuckling
flow was very choppy.i tried a piece similar to this and found the flow becomes erratic unless u can make the lines stick out rhyming wise from rhyming line..skip...to rhyming line
also short bars minimise content i think
reducing effectiveness of verses
thats my thoughts
keep doing ur shit though