i'm at a loose end where futility extends its hand in false pretence
self pity is lost on friends
lifes an expense i cant afford the rent so i intend to right the wrongs work
i begin to search for some meaning behind the shirt
where my heart bursts
dispersed emotions blurt..incoherent words to the cardiac beat
keep my ears to the street
tarmacced dreams recede only to rise again and compete
an athlete in lifes track meat
tryin to hail a dastardly taxi to short cut a cowards trail
pace of a snail my freshness gone stale internal demons prevailed
hopes rocked and impaled
betrayal by transparent brick wallls which resist the fall
dead end squalls maul
my thoughts which resort to wars and seemingly eternal pause
meaningless scores biased applause as i jump thru hoops
every shot raises the roof
im living proof of playground rules which create the big news
but its insular views fused by a concrete surface, ball and ring
all in all it stings
as i bounce i flinch shot up baskets grimace as glory is glimpsed
but its hopeless to think
that practice will shrink the gap of ability which could fulfill me
instilled with in me to be rid of misery but i cant physically
perform mind and body at liberty
but the conflicts arent willing to peace the puzzle the same
personality traits fuck up my game
and at the end of the day...im just another baller trying to make myself a name

replied to edicius potient and 13th

yeah its straight dog, but i wanna battle you dude, why is bitch slapped not on here no more but? for your piece i would suggest usin some multis, and match up the lines but ya came wit detail and explained ya shit, but i do want to battle you i'll set it up you spit first, check in

__________________
MAC4LIFE, M.multis A.authority C.commitment,MFL
Pacaso mac the Baskin Robbins Street(hustla tryin to scoop up this ice and cream)

the flow on this was dope, i was feeling the different tempos, you've just got to know when to pick it up, i picked this up really easily, content was this was really good, some liens seemed a bit long, without inners, but thats no major problem. .Pz

Nice drop, but try to be more specific when you say things like this. Tell a story. Don't just complan that you feel like shit.

^ agreed with him.. the flow wasnt great... i was aite... work on some things... try to include dope punches in open mics, theyre effective. str8 drop.

its clear u all know what ur talking about

What everyone else said man. This was dope. The flow was tight but you were off on a few lines but keep it up. I've seen better from you Fgee. Keep spittin.

Return the favor

Corrupted Mind

Dope Piece Fgee. Most Of The Piece Had Great Flow, So I Enjoyed Readin It. The Flow Was Off In Some Places, But That Didn't Hinder My Readin, I Jus Picked It Back Up N Kept Goin. Like Potent Said, Some Lines Seemed Stretched Maybe To The Point Where They Didn't Need To Be, But I Overlooked It. Good And Consistent Vocab Throughout, Multi's Made The Piece Even Better. Overall, Real Good Drop Man, But I've Seen Better. Keep Um Comin Aight.

-Formula.

** Return The Favor ? http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=92802 **

yea she nows whats she's talkin bout peep hers but yea it was ight 7.5/10

^err....an neither do u
than ks for the feedback though